The Way I Loved You
by Factoflife02
Summary: Spencer and Ashley broke up after high school. Now,nearly ten years later Spencer is in a relationship with a seemingly perfect guy. But what happens when Ashley comes back to LA for good? If you read this on the other site, it's completely reworked.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey folks, I'm back and this was basically my first story ever. It's based off the Taylor Swift song by the same title. I may not be a huge fan but damn if the girl doesn't have teenage angst down to a tee. **

**I posted this story in its entirety on another site but I read through it and it **_**sucked.**_** So, I completely reworked it. I added new scenes, extended old ones, and it just… completely different and hopefully much better. I'll be adding a few chapters a day until it's finished. **

**Also, I hope you can forgive my lack of updates on Southern Summers. I'm going through mad writers block, not to mention that college is kicking my ass. I'm working on it though! Anyways… I hope you enjoy this. **

"God, you are so lucky," My roommate, Erica, gushed as she laid on my bed, watching me get ready for my date. I just grinned and went back to applying my mascara. Erica and I had been best friends since our sophomore year in college and had gotten an apartment together right after college. She was one of those girls that were carelessly gorgeous, with crimson hair that was curly in just the right way and fell down to the middle of her back. Her eyes were this amazing green color that made many people swear that she wore contacts. She was tall and thin like a model but if you were around Erica for more than a few minutes it was easy to see that she ate more in five minutes than most models ate in a year. She was one of my favorite people on Earth, even if I didn't tell her absolutely everything. She didn't know that though, and I wasn't planning on telling her. Some parts of my life didn't need to be dredged up again.

"You keep saying that but it's not like we're going to Paris or anything, just dinner and a play." I laughed; brushing through my hair again to make sure everything was perfect. My boyfriend Hugh would be there in five minutes and I didn't want to keep him waiting. We had been together for nearly a year and everyone in my life loved him. Then again, I'd never met anyone who didn't love him. He was perfect… or just about as close as one person could get. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He was from old money and had the manners of a prince. Not only was he funny, humble, and caring but he had great tastes in music and movies. My parents absolutely adored him, as did my brothers. He played every sport there is, was a high powered lawyer, and he was crazy about me. Like I said, he was basically perfect.

The bell rang through our apartment and Erica jumped up to answer the door. Sometimes I swear she was more excited to see him than I was. I wasn't worried about that though, they had become good friends throughout the course of our relationship. I knew that Erica had a small crush on Hugh, but I trusted her and wasn't the jealous type. At least not with Hugh. A few seconds later he came sweeping into my room with a large smile and handed me a single white orchid. They were my favorite flowers and after he found that out he would sometimes surprise me with one or a dozen. I smiled happily and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"Thank you baby."

"Anything for my girl," He answered, giving me his ten watt smile. I vaguely remembered being on the receiving end of an even better smile but I pushed that thought away and returned his smile with one of my own. "You look amazing," Hugh complimented, twirling me around to look at me. I had on a simple black cocktail dress and black strappy sandals. We were joining his parents at their country club for dinner and drinks before going to see some play that everyone in LA was raving about.

"Why thank you darling." I said playfully. "Are we ready to go?" He nodded and entwined our fingers before leading me out of the apartment, waving to Erica as we left. She made a crude gesture at me behind his back and I rolled my eyes, trying not to laugh. Once we got down the stairs and out into the parking deck he opened the passenger door of his black Range Rover and helped me in before running around to get in himself. I observed him as he drove, wondering to myself why I couldn't make myself fall in love with him. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that little detail? I'd been telling the man that I loved him for about four months now - after he'd initiated it. I'd just felt so bad because he seemed so genuine. And I truly did love Hugh. I just wasn't _in_ love with him. What a cliché line but it was true. He had become one of my best friends but there was no passion. I was just… comfortable.

Girls would kill to be on his arm, and I certainly wasn't blind. Hugh was a gorgeous man. His light brown hair was wavy and fell into his baby blue eyes all the time in an adorable way. He only had one dimple, on his right cheek and his smile was wide and inviting. He stood at 6'3 and had a slim frame but he was filled out in muscle. He wore a tuxedo like it was nothing; but then again he looked fantastic in just about everything. He was always clean shaven but the few times that I had seen him with a five o' clock shadow it had only served to make him more attractive. I had only found a few flaws with the man, but they were stupid things such as his weird fear of rabbits and how he detested the color yellow. He truly was one of the best men that I'd ever known in my life.

"Is something wrong, babe?" He asked me a few minutes later, looking over at me as we stopped at a red light. I put on a fake smile and shook my head 'no'. "Okay," He said softly, kissing the top of my hand which he had reached over to hold. He never pushed anything either, he would just accept whatever I told him. I tried so hard to love him, we were so perfect together. But he wasn't who I was in love with. No, I had to be in love with the one person that didn't care anything about me.

My name is Spencer Carlin and I'm madly in love with Ashley Davies.


	2. Chapter 2

Yes, the rock star Ashley Davies. She's hardly ever in Los Angeles anymore; she's too busy traveling the world playing for the masses. She's gone platinum so many times it's hard to keep count. I've seen her face on the cover of just about every major magazine in the world. I bought every single one with articles about her, trying to keep up with her on some small scale. She had even come out with an autobiography a few years into her fame. That was the hardest for me to read, because I had to read all about myself from her perspective. Even though the book was mostly about her experiences with her father I definitely had a role in the book. It detailed all about how we had been best friends who had turned into lovers. I was her first love, and she was mine. But when it was time for me to go to college in New York she couldn't handle the distance, so we broke up. She came and visited me all the time; claiming that she couldn't lose me completely. She'd visit for the weekend and I'd make excuses to Erica and the rest of my friends so that I didn't have to share her. We remained best friends all through my college years and up until the night that I told her that I was still in love with her. She told me that she didn't feel that way about me anymore and we hadn't talked since. That was where I left the book and hadn't returned. The last time I'd seen her was five years ago, the night before my graduation from NYU.

After graduation I moved back to LA where I got a job as a photo journalist, though sometimes I made documentaries. Nothing too large scale but enough that I made a comfortable living. Hugh was an Assistant District Attorney and a damn good one at that. He won the majority of his cases, and was highly respected in the LA area. We met when I was doing a documentary about one of his cases and he claims that it was love at first sight. Maybe it was for him but honestly the first time I met him I didn't even think twice about him after our interview. He looked me up and asked me out and I rejected him about five times but finally I gave up and went out with him, hoping he'd leave me alone after we had a terrible time. At that point I hadn't even looked at anyone else seriously since Ashley and certainly not any guys. Mostly I just had a fling here and there with a girl I would pick up. I ended up having a great time playing putt putt and bowling with him and surprised myself by agreeing to a second date. We had been inseparable ever since, though I refused to sleep with him. I told him that I wanted to wait for marriage and he accepted it easily. I think it even pleased him a bit, thinking that I was pure or something. What a joke.

The truth was that I was afraid that I might call out Ashley's name, or that'd I'd break down in tears. I knew that if we got married like he was talking about that I'd have to sleep with him but I would face that when we came to it. The sad part was that Ashley had moved on. I had seen the tabloids; there are numerous pictures of her with different girls, sometimes more than one. But I missed her, even though I tried to push those feelings down. I wasn't sure if she missed me, she had tried for a while to get in contact with me after New York but I wasn't ready to face her at that point. She gave up after about a year of trying and I hadn't heard anything from her since.

"Babe?" Hugh asked, pulling me out of my musings on the past. I looked up, showing that I was listening. He smiled at me again and I finally realized that we were sitting in the parking lot of the country club.

"Oh, wow. Sorry." I chuckled, unbuckling myself. "I must have zoned out." He just grinned and began to get out of the car. I climbed out of my side and he came around to shut my door and take my arm. He really was the perfect gentleman.

The night went extremely well. Hugh's parents were really nice people and they liked me so it was never a chore spending time with them. Once we had said our goodbyes Hugh took me home, but came inside for a drink. This was nothing unusual, sometimes he even spent the night and we'd spend the whole night talking. He was my one of my best friends through and through. He knew more about me than even Erica, though neither of them knew about Ashley.

"Oh! I have a surprise for you." He said, as he took off his jacket and threw it over the back of the couch while I poured our wine in the kitchen. I smiled at him questioningly as I handed him a glass half filled with wine. Hugh was very generous with his money and always bought me random little things to remind me of him. "Dad gets tickets to a lot of things and sometimes he gets things that he doesn't want so he gives them to me, and tonight he gave me some concert tickets to see that girl that you're so obsessed with… Ashley Davies." My heart stopped and I nearly dropped my wine glass as I looked at him. Luckily he took this for an excited shock. "I knew you'd be excited! I'm glad; it'd be a waste not to use them. We have backstage passes and everything." God, could this get any worse? I've always purposefully avoided her few LA concerts, just in case she saw me. Now I was about to be forced into going, and even worse Hugh would be with me.


	3. Chapter 3

Ashley had always been careful to protect me from the press; she even changed my name in her autobiography so that no one except our friends at the time would have to know about us. I had always been too afraid to tell Hugh. I mean, he didn't have a problem with homosexuality, he even knew that I had been with a few girls. He just didn't know that it had been anything serious. And he especially didn't know that it was with Ashley Davies.

The concert wasn't for another few days after our dinner and I couldn't stop shaking. My mind had run through every possible scenario and I couldn't decide which was better. One side of me wanted to see Ashley's reaction to seeing me again while the other just hoped that the concert was some huge event so that she would miss me. I could always talk Hugh out of going back stage if I needed to, but if Ashley saw me and gave me any indication that she wanted to see me… well I know that I wouldn't even hesitate in doing so. It had been five years; five long years since I had talked to Ashley Davies and I just hoped that I was finally ready to face her again.

So three days later I was once again getting ready for a date with Hugh. I had successfully avoided seeing him since dinner, trying to hide my nervousness. This time we would more than likely meet Ashley and I had been twitching all day at the thought. Erica was once again watching me from the bed but this time she looked suspicious. She wasn't my best friend for nothing. She could always tell when something was up with me and that night there was definitely something up. I kept cracking my knuckles, something that I only did when I was extremely nervous.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked, after the third crack of my forefinger.

"What? Nothing!" I lied, badly. "I'm just trying to figure out if this outfit looks stupid."

I was wearing faded jeans and a blue t-shirt that Ashley had bought me, claiming that it matched my eyes perfectly. I hadn't worn it but once and that was the night she had given it to me. My thick blonde hair was pulled up in a simple ponytail and I was only wearing a bit of mascara. I knew that the concert would be crowded and that, combined with the LA heat, meant that I'd be sweating so I didn't want to get too dressed up to just have it ruined.

"Yeah, right! Don't give me that bullshit Spence. For the last two days you've been drifting around here like a ghost." She was looking at me skeptically, until a smile crossed her features. "Oh my God, are you pregnant?" She gasped, in a fake concerned voice even as she started laughing at her own joke.

"What? No!" I answered, making her laugh harder as I heard the buzzer go off. Erica thought that it was terribly funny that Hugh and I didn't sleep together and she took every opportunity to tease me about it. "Bitch," I grumbled, hitting her with one of my pillows when I finished dressing. I finally went to answer the door, flicking her off as I walked through into the living room. Hugh kissed me in greeting when I opened the door before walking into the apartment. He was also wearing jeans and a simple t-shirt with tennis shoes. He looked good, as always. I smiled and let him pull me into a loose hug. Why couldn't I feel anything for this perfect man?

"Are you ready? I want to get there early so we can get good parking." He was giving me that famous smile of his again. I nodded, grabbing my wallet and keys and calling out to Erica that we were leaving before following Hugh out to his car. He had the Porsche this time and I slid easily into the seat after he opened the door for me. He walked around the car after closing my door and jumped over the door and into his own seat. The action reminded me so much of Ashley that I almost couldn't breathe. I was ridiculously stressed. What if she hated me? What if she completely ignored me? What if she wasn't the same as she was back then? What if she was? I tried to calm the questions raging through my mind but I couldn't seem to do it. Hugh looked at me strangely as I cracked my knuckles for the second time since we'd been in the car. He didn't question me though, for which I was grateful. I felt like I was going to throw up if I opened my mouth. Forget butterflies, pterodactyls were inhabiting my stomach as I twisted my hands around in my lap.

The show was being played in some sort of coffee house, much to my relief and dismay, and Hugh said that it was sold out completely. It was a private event and only certain people had been invited. It was apparently a fundraiser of some kind and they'd sold tickets to a bunch of rich folks who wouldn't notice the extra chunk of change that the tickets had cost for such a private show. When we got there the parking lot was already packed but we managed to get a spot that was only about a block from the venue. The place was filled with all sorts of people and it had been cleared out of everything except a small stage and a bunch of couches pushed up against the walls. It felt more like a party than a concert but I liked how intimate it was. Hugh knew at least half the people in attendance, as always, so we had to socialize for a while before we could finally try to find seats.

He managed to snag us a loveseat near the stage, just left of where her microphone and guitar were sitting. I wished fervently that they would just get the show on the road so that maybe my stomach would stop turning knots. As if hearing my thoughts the lights dimmed and everyone instantly got silent. I thought I would die of anticipation but then… there she was walking calmly onto the stage. And suddenly, I relaxed.

There she was, Ashley Davies. She looked fantastic and I felt my heart flutter for the first time in five years. She was wearing ripped up blue jeans and a black wife beater, complete with her black thick rimmed glasses. I had always loved those glasses; they just made her look so… sexy. Not that she needed any more help. Her hair was natural and curly and hanging down to just below her shoulders and her trademark smirk was in place as she sat down on the stool in place. My heart was racing and she hadn't even spoken or looked in my direction.

"Hey guys!" She said enthusiastically as she took a seat on the stool. God, I had missed her voice. It was low and little bit husky but it did things to me. "So, I'm glad that you could all make it out tonight. I love doing these shows in particular because it seems more personal when you're playing for a hundred people instead of ten thousand," Have I mentioned how amazing she is? Because that's all my mind was telling me right then. How the hell had I managed to survive going five years without hearing that voice and seeing that smile? "As you all know the money from your tickets went to help in the fight to finding a cure for the AIDs epidemic. If any of you would like to donate more or find out more information there's a table set up at the back of the room. Now, let's get this show on the road!" The small crowd cheered as she finally picked up her guitar and brought it to her lap.

"You know, I've always wondered what the S on her wrist stands for." Hugh whispered near my ear. "I wonder if it's for her dad or something." I wanted to tell him that it stood for Spencer; as in me, his girlfriend. He didn't know about the matching A that I had tattooed just above my panty line; I was always very careful to cover it up when he was around, just in case. I even bought bathing suits that covered it. Ashley and I had gotten them on my eighteenth birthday. They had been her gift to me. Too bad I didn't realize that only about three months later she'd break up with me. I didn't regret the tattoo though; it was a nice reminder of better days. How she would always have a piece of me.

"I don't know, I'd never really noticed it." I answered quietly, but we both shut up then because Ashley had started to sing. It took me a minute to realize that she was staring at me but she had that smile on her face, the one she had always reserved just for me. Her eyes were boring into mine, lighting up when I made eye contact. I couldn't help but smile back and her smile widened just a bit before she turned back to the rest of the crowd. Those pterodactyls were going to town in my stomach but I didn't care because she was looking at me again and singing in that voice that I loved oh so much. I remembered when she used to sing only for me and I yearned for her to sing one of the songs that she had written just for me. So I could feel seventeen again, for just one minute.

She stuck with her popular songs though, I'm sure to please the crowd. She stole glances over at me every now and then and I was eternally grateful that Hugh wasn't a big fan of PDA. I don't know what I would do if she stopped smiling that brilliant smile at me. Hugh didn't seem to notice the singer's attention was on me for half for show and neither it seemed, did the rest of the crowd. But I didn't notice them either. I was too intently focused on Ashley to think of anything else. I couldn't even make myself care that I probably shouldn't be thinking those things with my boyfriend sitting right beside me, blissfully unaware.


	4. Chapter 4

Ashley finished the concert with a smile and wink in my direction and then suddenly Hugh was practically dragging me backstage. Backstage was basically just a big curtained off space and we were put in a waiting room with the rest of the people with backstage passes. I was only a little bit surprised when Steve, Ashley's bodyguard, came and got me. He had been Ashley's bodyguard since my junior year in college when she dropped her first album so I knew him well. Hugh looked amazed but urged me to go on and I did so without looking back. Ashley's dressing room was just a curtained off little space but it had a couch and more importantly - Ashley herself. She looked so casual when she stood up, smiling at me with that smile that always made me weak in the knee area.

"God, I nearly stopped singing when I saw you sitting in the crowd." She said in greeting, hugging me easily. I smiled and hugged her back, a little too tight and a little too long, wondering how this was so easy for her. "You could've told me that you were coming." She seemed so carefree, as if we had been talking everyday for the last five years instead of the reality. I suddenly wished that that _was _thereality though, and that our friendship could be so easy just like it used to be.

"I don't have your number anymore, Ash," I said softly, making her roll her eyes and hold out her hand. I easily handed her my phone, reading her intentions, and she typed in her number before handing it back to me.

"That's your fault; you're the one that stopped talking to me." She said this playfully but I couldn't help the sadness that surged through me, not to mention the indignation.

"Come on, you know why I had to." She frowned and bit her lip, something that she always did when she was nervous. I felt the inevitable awkwardness finally fall in around us and I wrapped my arm around myself, looking anywhere but at her.

"Listen Spence-" She started, but I couldn't let her finish. I couldn't let myself fall into her ridiculously tempting trap, even though that's all I had wanted to do since the moment she stepped foot on that stage.

"Stop, it doesn't matter anymore. I have a boyfriend, and you are obviously having fun being a party girl." She rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch heavily, still smiling slightly as she patted the spot beside her.

"Don't believe everything that you read, Spence. I thought you would know that by now." I sighed and hesitantly sat down beside her. We sat in awkward silence for a few more seconds before she spoke again, picking at a loose thread on her jeans nervously. "You have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he's the one that got us these tickets." I answered, not particularly wanting to talk about Hugh but glad that she'd brought it up anyways. It was like a reminder to keep my distance emotionally.

"How long?" She was still smiling, obviously thinking that it was nothing too serious. Her eyes seemed to penetrate into me as she stared at me expectantly. I bit my lip, debating whether or not I should even tell her.

"Almost a year," I finally answered, chuckling when she let an obscenity slip. "His name is Hugh King." Her eyes seemed to bulge out of her head at this information for a minute before she smirked.

"You're dating Hugh King? Damn Spencer, I never imagined you the high society type." I chuckled and just shook my head.

"He's not really like that." She seemed to accept this easily and this time the silence was more comfortable as we both let our thoughts wander. That is, until she decided to start asking hard questions.

"Do you love him?" She must've felt me tense up because she shook her head, "Never mind, I don't want to know. Can I meet him?" I was grateful that she wasn't making me answer that question; because I had yet to speak the truth out loud, to anyone. If I did it now, to her, it would make things so much harder than they needed to be. I debated whether or not I wanted them to meet but I could never say no to those beautiful brown eyes.

"Yeah, but he doesn't know about us, so it might be a bit weird." She looked hurt for a minute but she nodded and called for Steve. A few seconds later Hugh was led back into the room and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head when he saw that I was sitting with Ashley as if I did it every day. I almost laughed as I saw his wheels start turning.

"Hi, you must be Hugh." She said, jumping up to shake his hand. "Spencer was just telling me about you." I smiled, surprised by this genuine, non sarcastic Ashley. Maybe she _had_ changed. I was honestly expecting her to be overly passive aggressive.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, do you know-" She didn't even let him finish his question before jumping in.

"Me and Spence go way back, she doesn't like to claim me but I used to be her best friend." I rolled my eyes when she said this but laughed as Hugh tried to determine whether or not she was joking.

"It's true, we went to high school together and she was the only one kind enough to take in the new kid." I said, as she sat back down beside me and leaned into me slightly without thinking about it. The warm skin of her arm gave me goose bumps as it brushed against mine.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" He asked, making Ashley grin and throw her arm around my shoulders, trying her best to look buddy buddy but getting entirely too close for my comfort. She smelt so fucking good I almost leaned over to take a closer whiff. I stopped myself, making myself focus on the question that had been presented to me.

"I didn't know how you'd take it," I finally said, making Ashley tense up beside me. Hugh looked confused for a minute and then his eyes found Ashley's wrist where the script S was tattooed and he seemed to understand all at once.

"Oh! You two were- oh God," He said, sitting down heavily, shaking his head. "Is that why you kept turning me down?"

"Yeah," I answered, as Ashley pulled away from me with a small smile, as if pleased that I hadn't just jumped into his bed. He was taking it better than I expected, though a small part of me had kind of been hoping that he'd freak out and dump me so that Ashley would pick up the pieces and fall madly in love with – okay I really need to stop thinking these things.

"Holy shit! You're the girl in her book! The one she was so in love with!" I nodded again while Ashley looked a little uncomfortable and Hugh sighed, leaning back as he tried to take it all in. "Wow, just…wow. I cannot believe this."

"Hugh, it was high school. Almost ten years ago!" I soothed, internally cringing. Had it really been that long? Sometimes it seemed like just yesterday.

"So you two are officially over?" I nodded and Ashley looked almost sick as she nodded too. "Okay, this is no big deal, right? You two are just friends." He seemed to be talking to himself, as if trying to reassure himself.

"Just friends." I echoed, and he seemed to relax even as Ashley slowly inched away from me, a frown on her beautiful face.

"Great! So Ashley, would you like to get some food with Spencer and me?" She looked a bit surprised but nodded after a second of deliberation and looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Well I have to go to the meeting room first; my manager would kill me if I turn down meeting some of my fans. You can chill here if you like; I'll only be about fifteen minutes." She pushed a hand through her curls and smiled tightly before pushing the curtain aside and leaving us alone.

"Oh my God Spencer! You should've told me!"

"I'm sorry, I was afraid that you would've taken it the wrong way." I answered, smiling as he sat down beside me.

"No, it's cool, really. I mean, I'm not going to lie to you it caught me off guard. You don't seem like the lesbian type to me."

"Well it's not like there's a certain type of woman –"

"No, no that's not what I meant." He said, seeing that he had kind of offended me. "I just mean I never pictured you being with another woman. You're just so straight." I laughed and he grinned as I shook my head.

"Obviously not," I retorted, making him raise his eyebrows.

"So how many other women have you been with that I don't know about?"

"Oh, don't make this perverted." I laughed, smacking his arm slightly.

"I'm not, I'm just curious as to what else you've kept from me." He grinned, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

"Ashley has been the only one, except for a few brief flings with girls in college." He processed this information before setting me with a questioning gaze.

"So how long were you two together?"

"Almost two years, we broke up when I went to New York, but we stayed best friends until the night before I graduated from NYU."

"What happened?" I looked down as I felt my throat close up.

"Well I wanted more, I was still in love with her but she didn't feel the same so she left and we haven't talked since, until tonight." He covered my hand with his and I looked back up with a fake smile. He sighed and looked away, as if thinking about something.

"Do you still love her?" He said this as though it hurt to say it. I was going to lie; I was going to deny everything. He'd never take me alive! "I need to know Spencer, please." He sounded so pathetic and it broke me. Crap.

"I'll always love her." I answered, making him nod but stand up and scratch his head thoughtfully. "I love you, you know that." I said, getting up to grab his hand reassuringly.

"But you love her too." He pointed out, setting me with a questioning stare.

"I'm with you aren't I? If I didn't love you would I still be here?" I asked him, wondering how the hell I had gotten myself into this situation.

"Yeah, but do you want to be with me? I mean am I more than just a protection blanket for you?" I had to make a decision. I could walk away from him right now and try to be with Ashley the girl who broke my heart and probably would never want me back. Or I could stay with a man who loved me and wanted to marry me. A man who would do anything for me and protect me for the rest of my life and I'd always have Ashley as a friend.


	5. Chapter 5

"I want nothing more than to be with you," I finally answered, making him smile and pick me up to spin me around in a hug. I chuckled at his enthusiasm but felt completely wrong inside. Shouldn't I be feeling that same enthusiasm? I shrugged it off, planting that fake smile on my face.

"Spencer, I think that we should get married. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I don't care about Ashley or any other people that you may have in your past. I'm absolutely crazy about you; I love you so much, please marry me." Dread washed over me. The urge to say 'no' took over but he just looked so damn hopeful and happy. I couldn't crush his spirit after just telling him that I wanted to be with him. Then he might realize that I was a phony.

"Okay," I whispered, making him laugh and pull me into a kiss happily. Inside my heart was breaking. I loved him, I really did, but I would never be in love with him. I would do my best to bring him happiness though; I would be the best wife in the world. He would never have to know and I could be comfortable with a guy that would always love me and take care of me.

"I can't wait to tell my mom! She was so happy when I told her that we had been talking about marriage." I grinned, knowing that my mother would be ecstatic as well. She loved Hugh and my father did too. It would be a good marriage, I would always be comfortable. Hugh didn't notice my downtrodden look as I covered it with a convincing fake smile.

"Okay! Are we ready?" Ashley asked, coming back into the room suddenly. She stopped short when she saw that Hugh was holding me and her brow furrowed as she noticed my fake smile. Hugh let go of me but held onto my hand. "We can take my car." She finally said, choosing not to ask about my wretched expression. I nodded as we followed her out to the back where a large black SUV was waiting. Steve was at the wheel so we all climbed into the back. Ashley and I sat beside each other with Hugh in the seat in front of us.

"How have you been Ash?" I finally asked after a moment of silence, making her shrug.

"I've been alright, you know? All I really do anymore is play. Despite what the papers say I haven't gone to a party in over two years. You got me out of the habit and I could never get back into it." I smiled and shook my head and she jabbed at me playfully. "How about you? What did you do with yourself after that night?"

"I'm a photo journalist, and I delve into documentaries every now and then."

"Good for you, saving the world one picture at a time. What you always said you would do." I smiled and she grinned at me before curling her legs up under her. "How's the family? Paula still dousing everyone in Holy Water?" She was joking, my mother had freaked out when I first came out to her; claiming that I was living a life of sin and she forbade me from ever seeing Ashley again. She eventually came around in my senior year and even came to like Ashley but Ashley wouldn't let her forget her "crazy days" as she referred to them.

"She's attempted a few times. But, Glen runs the YMCA and Clay is a philosophy professor at UCLA. My dad is still in teen counseling and still cooking every chance he gets and my mother is still working crazy amounts of time at the hospital. Not much has really changed at all. Oh! Glen got married."

"What?" She asked, disbelievingly.

"Yeah, to a girl named Kelly. She's really nice and she keeps him in his place, it's hilarious. She's pregnant with their first kid now. It's gonna be a boy."

"I have missed so much." She awed, shaking her head. "Your family was always like family to me, you know. How are Clay and Chelsea doing?"

"They're married and have two kids."

"God, I feel like I've missed everyone's life." She said sadly. "Did I tell you that I'm back for good though?" She asked, perking up and she fixed me with a winning smile.

"Really?" I asked, a matching smile crossing my face, already excited before I could even think about it.

"Yeah, I need to settle down, at least for a while. I told my manager that I refused to go anywhere for a long time." I couldn't help but feel my heart soar. Ashley in LA for good? It was like all my dreams were coming true. That is until I caught sight of Hugh, wrapped up in his Blackberry. Oh shit. I was engaged. It didn't matter that Ashley was moving back because I was spoken for. Oh well, I guess she was getting her wish from five years ago. We would just be friends. Best friends, hopefully; just like it had been all those years ago.

"Good for you," I finally answered, trying to keep my thoughts to myself. She had always been too good at reading me.

"I know, and it means that we can start hanging out again. Right?" I nodded happily, glad that I would at least have her in my life again, and she smiled before looking out the window. We were in a suburban looking area. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know." I answered, puzzled and making her laugh.

"Same old Spencer. You've been here for years and you still don't know your way around." She teased, chuckling when I poked my tongue out at her.

"Hey! I can get to the essential places." I defended myself, chuckling. I was surprised when a few minutes later we pulled onto my street and into my apartment's parking lot. "This is my place," I said, confused. Hugh turned around with a big smile on his face.

"I decided that you two needed some alone time, to catch up and such. Maybe Spencer will even cook for you Ashley, she's very talented."

"Spencer Carlin? Cooking? With _talent?_ Where are the flying pigs?" I grinned and hit her playfully as we climbed out of the SUV. Steve took Hugh back to get his car and I offered to give Ashley a ride home when she needed it. Hugh gave me a small kiss before getting back in the SUV, smiling.

"Call me later, Mrs. King." He said teasingly. I tried not to let my discomfort show as they drove away and for once I was thankful that Ashley was ADD and not paying attention anyways. For some reason I just wasn't ready to tell her about my engagement yet. I led her up the three flights to my door and got my keys out before stopping and chuckling at my sudden thought.

"I feel it only fair to warn you that my roommate is basically obsessed with you, and she doesn't know about our history either. She wouldn't have believed me if I told her anyway." Ashley just shrugged, grinning.

"I've dealt with obsessed fans before. She won't kidnap me right?"

"No promises." I said, in a fake serious tone. Ashley laughed and pushed past me to open the door.

"Spencer? You're back kind of early- Oh my God!" Emily screamed as she turned the corner into the living room where I was standing in the door with Ashley. "You're Ashley Davies!" I laughed as Ashley shrugged.

"That's what they tell me, and you are?"

"Erica Lowell," She said, rushing over to shake Ashley's hand a little too vigorously. "Why are you in my apartment? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Oh my God, is this a joke? Am I getting Punked?" My roommate was getting hysterical, practically twitching as she tried to process the fact that her idol was standing in her living room.

"Erica, calm down. I'm pretty sure they only Punk famous people." I said, making Ashley giggled and Erica fixed me with a glare.

"Well excuse me for being a little bit excited that the number one artist in the country is standing in my living room. Are you aware that she has grossed more annually than any other artist by the time they reached her age? Including Madonna _and _Eminem? Not to mention the fact that she's been at the top of Maxim's Hot 100 list every year since her first single came out?" I did know all that, but I couldn't help but laugh at Erica's serious look.

"Damn, you need to be my resume writer." Ashley said, making Erica turn her attention back to the rock star.

"Now that we've established that I am indeed excited, can I get you anything to eat?"

"I've already been told that Spence was going to cook for me but I could do with a drink, and as far as I know this isn't a joke unless Spencer has developed a cruel sense of humor in the last five years." Erica's eyes narrowed at these words and she fixed her gaze on me. Uh oh.

"Are you seriously going to make me cook? Can't we just order a pizza or something? Please?" I pouted in a way that I knew she used to not be able resist. She laughed and threw an arm around my shoulders easily.

"Fine! You know I can't say no to that face. Go order the fucking pizza, where's your room?" I pointed at the door that was mine and she walked into my room while I dug my cell phone out of my pocket. Erica was staring at me as if I'd grown a second head.

"Am I dreaming? Or is Ashley fucking Davies treating you like you're old friends?"

"We were together a long time ago." I answered nonchalantly, trying to keep the smile off my face even as Erica's jaw dropped.

"Together as in together? Girlfriends?" I nodded and began to order the pizza, trying not to let my laughter bubble over. It was so much fun to fuck with Erica sometimes. Erica knew that I had been with a few girls but she had never known exactly who they were. "Why don't I know this? What's next? Is Madonna your godmother?"

"No, but I went out with Aiden Dennison too, very briefly. Like… not even a whole night briefly. He was my and Ashley's best friend in high school." Aiden was now an extremely famous basketball player. You couldn't open a sports magazine or see a Gatorade ad without seeing his face, or more specifically his abs.

"You are shitting me right now. I am being punked, huh? Which reality show are we on?" I laughed and shook my head at her silliness as I confirmed the order before hanging up.

"Ask Ashley, she'll tell you all about it."

"About what? How you're actually a man?" Ashley asked, coming out of my room wearing a pair of my silk pajama shorts and my favorite t-shirt. I had to control myself from attacking her. She looked _damn_ fine in my clothes. I tore my eyes back to her face to catch her smirking, having caught my momentary lapse of control. I swallowed heavily, admonishing myself in my head.

"Well damn, are you wearing my bra too?" I asked, trying to recover with a joke.

"Nah, my boobs are bigger than yours." She answered, grabbing them as if to show me but really just giving me an excuse to look at her braless torso. I grinned as she plopped down on the couch as if she lived there with us. I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, trying to avoid being too close to her right away. "Spence, what do you have to drink around here?"

"Diet Coke, beer, orange juice, milk, wine, and water." I listed, as I surveyed the contents of the refrigerator.

"Bring me a Diet Coke?" She asked, with her famous puppy dog eyes. I grabbed two Diet Cokes before walking to the couch and sitting down beside her. I was amazed at how easy it was to forget that we hadn't even talked in five years. It felt just like old times, when we saw each other every day. Erica was still just staring at Ashley in shock.

"You broke my roommate." I whined, poking Ashley.

"I can't help the fact that I am unbelievably hot." She answered cockily, popping the tab on her can and taking a big gulp. She was still conceited, and still had every right to be. She _was _unbelievably hot. Erica still hadn't snapped out of her trance but I decided to let her do her own thing and focus on the hot brunette that was suddenly back in my life after five years.

"So did you get my favorite?" She asked, putting her feet in my lap so she could stretch out.

"Pepperoni with pineapple," I confirmed, earning me a huge smile. Suddenly I remembered another night about nine years before when I had spent the night with her and we ordered a pizza instead of trying to make something in her huge kitchen. It was the first night that she had ever told me that she loved me.

_"You look good in my clothes," She said from the doorway as I laid on her bed; wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a cami that I had borrowed from her. I smiled at the huskiness in her voice, we had already had sex three times and she was still horny. I crooked my finger in a 'come hither' motion and a second later she was on the bed, crawling up to straddle my hips. "I bet you'd look even better without my clothes, though." She whispered, making me laugh as she traced circles on my stomach that was revealed when she pushed the cami up around my breasts. _

_ "Ash, the pizza is gonna be here any minute." I whined, without really actually protesting, when she started laying kisses on my clothed chest. _

_ "I don't want pizza, I want you." She husked, pushing my shirt up and over my head. I just laughed but pushed her off of me and pulled the shirt back down. _

_ "You have the mindset of a sixteen year old boy." I accused, making her scoff as I flipped us over so that I was laying half on top of her with our legs entwined. I laid my head on her chest and she sighed happily before pushing one of her hands into my blonde hair. She didn't push the sex thing, which surprised me. Usually I'd have been flipped back over in two seconds. Then again, ever since she had returned from Europe she was acting differently._

_ "I love your hair, have I told you that? It's gorgeous, and all silky." I giggled as she started running her hands through said hair. "I love everything about you actually." She said, letting her hands drift down my back and around to my sides. I was smiling hard by this point. It wasn't often that Ashley was sweet but when she was, it was enough to make me smile for a week. "Your eyes, your smile, your lips, your nose, your legs, your stomach, your breasts, your fingers," I giggled at that one but moved up to kiss her softly. "Spence, I just….I love you." There were those three words and my whole body froze in surprise. She said it as if she were afraid that I was going to laugh but in reality my stomach did about a million back flips and my heart started beating ten times faster. _

_ "I love you too, so much." I whispered in desperation, claiming her lips in another sensual kiss. She smiled and wrapped her arms around my waist before flipping us again so that she was on top. It was amazing to finally hear the words back. I couldn't keep the smile off my face if I tried. _

_ "Really?" She asked, her eyes staring down into mine intensely. I nodded and a brilliant smile covered her face as she started laying little kisses all over my face. "God, I fucking love you. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you but I kept getting tongue tied." I chuckled and leaned my head up to catch her lips with mine. The kiss quickly escalated and we ignored the doorbell as we explored each other all over again. _

"Earth to Spencer," Ashley said, waving her hands in front of my face. I blinked as I came back to reality with a blush. "Where'd you go there?"

"I was just thinking," I said, not wanting to tell her what I was really thinking about, I didn't want this to be awkward. I was just happy that she wanted to be my friend; I could handle not being more than that.

"Your roommate ran away," She said, making me laugh, "Does anyone in your new life know about us?"

"Glen's wife does, but that's it. I didn't want them to look at me any differently; not because they'd think that I was gay," I said quickly, seeing her look. "Because you're famous now and I really just didn't want to talk about you. It took me a long time to get over you." She frowned and looked as if she were about to say something but Erica came running back into the room wielding a camera.

At some point during the night we decided it would be a good idea to get drunk and hilariousness progressed. Mostly a lot of pictures taken by a now passed out Erica that I needed to remember to delete later. After getting Erica into her bed Ashley and I moved to my room and sprawled out on my bed. She passed the bottle of vodka to me with a sloppy grin as she laid her head down in my lap. I smiled back down at her as I put the bottle on my bedside table for later. I let my hands drift into her hair and she sighed as I started to gently run my fingers through it, scratching her scalp at random intervals. She had always loved when I did that when we were together. It seemed like a million years ago now.

"Spence, can I ask you something?" She asked, only slurring a bit and fixing me with her sexy brown eyes.

"Of course dahling," I said in a sloppy, what I thought was southern, accent.

"Have you slept with Hugh?" I didn't notice her seriousness. I was a little _too_ drunk.

"In what sense?" I asked, giggling and she rolled her eyes as she sat up.

"Come on, you know what I mean." She looked at me pleadingly; as if begging me to say that I hadn't slept with him. I furrowed my brow and reached my hand out to brush her hair back behind her ear. I shouldn't answer. It wasn't any of her business and I didn't want to get into it with her. But I could not make myself say no to those pleading brown eyes; the eyes that belonged to the girl that I was still so desperately in love with after five years. Fuck. I should not be thinking that.

"You're the only one that I've let touch me." I finally whispered and she breathed a sigh of relief as I fell backwards and spread my arms out over my silk bedspread. "I told him that I wanted to wait for marriage."

"Oh yeah? I bet he loves that," She said, looking down at me with a sad smile. Why was I more drunk than her? This needed to be fixed. Maybe later. I felt like my eyelids had 10 pound weights on them.

"Well he won't have to wait that much longer, now that we're engaged." I said as my eyes started to droop. I missed her ridiculously shocked look and her immediate panic.

"What? You're engaged?" She demanded, but I was too close to sleep. I couldn't make myself muster up the energy to sit up and tell her my reasoning so instead I decided to succumb to sleep.

"Yeah, he asked me tonight." I answered, rolling over onto my side. "I didn't have any reason to say no did I?" She groaned and grabbed the bottle off of my bedside table before downing a liberal amount. That's the last thing I saw as I finally closed my eyes and instantly drifted off.


	6. Chapter 6

"Wake up Spencer," Ashley whispered into my ear, making me groan and roll over. "I bet your head hurts like a bitch." She said, laughing when I flipped her off from the warm cocoon under my covers.

"Go away Ashley," I grouched, trying to remember why the hell I had even decided to drink that much. And then it finally hit me: Ashley Davies was in my bed. With me. After five years. It hadn't been some crazy ass dream.

"No can do, I'm taking you out to breakfast."

"I don't want breakfast, I want sleep." I whined, still trying to process everything that was flying through my head at that moment.

"Too damn bad, get up." She chuckled, grabbing the sheets that I was wrapped up in and yanking them off of me. I was once again transported back to the past and I groaned as the memory took over.

_"Ashley, wake up dammit!" I yelled, getting extremely frustrated with my girlfriend. She mumbled something unintelligible and curled further into the sheets of her bed. "Ash, I have to be home soon, my mom is going to crucify me!" _

_ "Calm down baby, it's only like ten something. Come back to bed," She said, holding out her arms. I bit my lip, trying to keep from just listening to her and curling up against her deliciously naked body. _

_ "It's almost midnight," I said, pointing to the clock, "and if you don't get me home then I'll be moving in with you because my mom will kick me out of the house. _

_ "That doesn't sound so bad, think of all the sex we could have." She said, waggling her eyebrows as she sat up, letting the sheet fall to reveal her bare chest. God, she was gorgeous. "Come on Spence, just call and say you're spending the night with me." _

_ "You know they're not going to go for tha-" A crack of thunder echoed off of the walls, making me scream and jump into the bed. Ashley laughed and pulled me into her warm arms. "Ashley, I'm serious, get me home now." She groaned and released me, standing up off the bed and crossing into the bathroom. _

_ "Fine, just let me get a shower and then we'll go." _

_ "We don't have time for this Ashley! I don't think that you understand how much trouble I'm going to be in. This will be the fifth time I've broken curfew this month!" _

_ "Jesus Christ, if you're so worried why don't you just fucking walk there?" She asked patronizingly from the bathroom, making me curse under my breath before storming out of the room. I was so mad that I could barely see. Ashley could be such a bitch when she wanted to be. I threw open the door of her house and made my way out into the storm. It wasn't raining that hard but it was enough to soak me through after about five minutes of walking. I was freezing and pissed off and I didn't even care that I would probably be sick in the morning. "Are you fucking crazy?" I heard Ashley yelling from behind me as the lights of her car hit my back. _

_ "Yeah, maybe I am!" I yelled, turning around to see that she was pulling up beside me in the Porsche. The Porsche that had _heated_ seats. I had to stop myself from climbing in immediately._

_ "Get in the fucking car before you die of pneumonia!" She screamed, keeping pace with my quick pace. _

_ "No, I'm just going to 'fucking walk!'" I taunted, turning back around and walking even more quickly. I was surprised when two seconds later I felt her arms wrap around me and pull me backwards. I hadn't heard her car door. "Put me down!" I screamed, struggling against her. I was so angry that I was ready to fight her if she didn't put me down. Well, maybe not. But I was pretty damn pissed. _

_ "No! Calm down!" She yelled, holding me in place. She was fucking strong. I finally relaxed and she hesitantly released me. As soon as her arms left me I took off running and I could hear her frustrated laugh as she came after me, catching me around the waist. We fell and hit the grass of someone's yard, with her on top of me. I finally realized that she was wearing only a tank top and boy shorts and I could see her hard nipples poking through the soaked fabric. I wet my lips with my tongue and I watched as Ashley's eyes turned dark with arousal. A second later we were furiously kissing, battling for the top position. _

_ I won out, pushing her into the ground and slipping my knee between her thighs and ramming it roughly into her center. She moaned loudly as I released her lips to breathe. My hands covered her breasts through the fabric and I began to tweak her nipples, making her writhe beneath me. She started to rub herself against my knee, trying desperately to get off. I leaned down and caught her still covered nipple into my mouth, running my hot tongue over the cold nub roughly. She moaned and buried her hands in my wet hair as I fought to get my hand into her soaked through boy shorts. _

_ Her center was unbelievably hot though she must've been freezing and I didn't waste time, I roughly shoved two fingers into her. She was more than ready for me anyways. Her back arched off the ground and I was always still a bit surprised at how limber she was. My thumb found her clit and I tapped it twice before I began sawing my fingers in and out of her fast and hard. She was bucking against my hand and moaning as I gently bit her nipple. I curled my fingers in _that_ spot and pressed down on her clit at the same time and that did the trick, she came with a loud scream that was covered by a loud crack of thunder. I collapsed on top of her and she wrapped her arms around me, kissing my forehead. _

_ "I'm sorry," she said into my ear, still panting for breath. _

"You keep spacing out there Spencer," Ashley teased, hitting me with a pillow. I was so turned on it took all the self control I could possibly muster up to not to throw her down on the bed and ravage her at that very instant. Instead I stood up and rushed to the bathroom, ignoring her concerned questions as I turned on the shower. "Are you okay?" She yelled, banging on the door. "You throwing up? Don't lock me out! What if something happens?"

"No, I'm fine!" I yelled back, quickly stripping and stepping into the cold water. It wasn't helping to control my arousal so I did my best to take care of myself quickly and quietly. Once I had calmed down I turned the hot water on, gasping at the change. I washed my hair quickly and ran a soapy rag over my body. I cut the water off and wrapped a towel around myself before stepping up to the mirror. After wiping the steam away from the mirror I glared at myself in it. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked my reflection, running a hand through my wet hair. I hadn't let myself really think about Ashley in a long time, I had pushed away the memories and now that she was so close they just kept flooding my brain.

When I came out of the bathroom Ashley was waiting patiently on my bed, giving me a bemused smile. She was so fucking beautiful. I smiled back, trying not to show what I was thinking. After I dried my hair and got dressed in the bathroom in some old faded jeans and a t-shirt Ashley led me outside where the big black SUV was waiting again. We climbed in the back and Ashley told Steve where to go while I just sat back in the seat, trying to keep my heart rate down.

"Why didn't you tell me that you're engaged?" She finally asked, looking out of the darkly tinted window. It took me a minute to realize what she was talking about. I _had _agreed to marry Hugh; I guess that meant that I was engaged. It hadn't really sunk in yet.

"I did," I pointed out, making her roll her eyes.

"Yeah, but only when you were in a drunken stupor."

"Sorry, I didn't think it was that big of a deal." I shrugged, trying to get her to drop the subject.

"Well that's probably not the best way to view your engagement." She said with a teasing smile and I just rolled my eyes as I looked out the window.

"You know what I meant," I said, a little too defensively.

"Are you in love with him?" Her question caught me off guard and I whipped my head around to stare at her in astonishment. It was the second time she'd asked me that and it felt like a punch to my stomach every time.

"Yes," I said it a bit too quickly but she didn't seem to catch it as she swallowed hard and turned back towards the window.

"I'm glad for you," I ignored her hurt demeanor, trying not to think about what that meant.

"Thanks, what about you? No romances?"

"Nope, I'm fine by myself." Now she was the one using defensive tones.

"That's bullshit, everyone needs someone."

"Not me," She answered, crossing her arms and looking out the window. I sighed and shook my head, leaning back into the seat. "You sure cuss a lot more now," She grouched.

"Yeah well a lot has changed in the last five years," I replied, half shrugging.

"I can tell. You're different, not in a bad way, just different. You're more cautious I think, especially your eyes. They used to give everything away but I can't tell what you're thinking anymore." I blushed as she said this; surprised that she took notice of things like that.

"Well you're different too, more mature. What happened to badass Ashley?" She laughed and leaned her head back against the head rest with a small smile, finally relaxing.

"I know! I'm so boring now," I laughed and shook my head, taking her hand in mine easily.

"No you're not! You're just more like a grown up, but I must say I miss the spontaneous you." I teased, poking her lightly in the ribcage.

"I'm still spontaneous! I could steal you away to the beach again anytime I wanted too," She smirked and I laughed as another memory took over, this one of the night that she was referring to. We had been officially together for two weeks at that point and we were already in a fight, I hadn't talked to her in two days and it was killing me but I refused to break first.

_I groaned as I woke up to my phone ringing loudly near my ear. I looked at my alarm clock, cursing whoever it was that was calling me at 2AM on a Wednesday. I picked up my phone and groggily flipped it open, rolling over onto my back with a few muttered curses. _

_ "Hello?" _

_ "Hey! What are you doing?" Ashley asked energetically, making me scoff in disbelief as I threw an arm over my eyes. _

_ "Well seeing as it's two in the morning I would have to say that the answer is sleeping. At least until my insane girlfriend called me." She laughed at my sarcastic answer and begged me to come to the window. I couldn't stop my small smile as I got off the bed and walked slowly to the window, pushing the curtain to the side with a finger. She was standing outside, resting against the driver's door of her car. "What are you doing here?" I giggled, sleepiness being replaced by the overwhelming happiness that took over whenever she gave me that smile; the one that she had only ever given me. I could spot it even from my second story window. _

_ "Come out and play," She said, making my knees weak with the huskiness in her voice. _

_ "We have school tomorrow," I argued, albeit lamely. I mean, this _was _Ashley Davies we were talking about. She skipped more than anyone else I'd ever known. I have no idea how she still passed her classes. _

_ "Not if we don't want to go." She replied, and I could practically hear the suggestion in her voice. I grinned and shook my head. "Come on Spencer, I just need to be with you." She halfway pleaded, and I instantly gave in. I couldn't let her know that though. _

_ "In more than the Biblical sense?" I questioned. She chuckled as I stepped away from the window and pulled a pair of jeans over the boy shorts that I had been sleeping in. _

_ "Yes, but if we wind up in some wildly hot embrace, you won't find me complaining." She answered. _

_ "How do you propose that I get out of my house? You know my dad sleeps on the couch these days." Ever since my dad had started drinking again, and my mom had started sleeping with her boss my parents hadn't exactly been on the best terms to say the least. I was lucky that I had Ashley to take my mind off of it all, and she did her best to do just that. _

_ "That's what windows are for baby," I held my phone to my shoulder with my cheek as I slid open my window and crawled out onto the roof. I'd been out there before, just once when we'd first moved on. Glen and I had discovered that our windows weren't painted shut and he had considered this to be an awesome way to sneak out at night. Usually he had set up a ladder at the back of the house though. This time I'd just have to jump. I eased myself down so that I was sitting on the edge, it was a pretty good drop and I tried to swallow my fear as I prepared to slide off. "Are you fucking insane?" Ashley hissed, running over with a panicked look on her face. "You'll break your fucking legs!" _

_ "You told me to go out the window!" I said defensively, pushing myself slowly back up, away from the edge. Ashley seemed to let loose a breath of relief when I reached my window again._

_ "Yeah! The bathroom window that's on the bottom floor! Not your second story window!" She admonished. I blushed, feeling stupid, but carefully climbed back into my bedroom. A minute later I was outside, climbing from the window and right into her waiting arms. She took me off guard by wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me into a long, but gentle kiss. "I'm sorry," She whispered, against my lips. _

_ "For what?" I asked, completely forgetting about our fight in all the excitement of sneaking out, not to mention the fact that her kisses still made me a little dizzy. _

_ "For our fight, I was stupid for being jealous of that guy but the next time he wants to carry your books you should probably note that he has more than friendly intentions." I grinned and pulled her into another kiss, my forgiveness evident. "Okay, let's go before your mom catches us and cuts me up with her scalpel." We wound up at the beach and we stayed there, wrapped up in a blanket until the sun came up, just holding each other; though in years to come she would claim that we just had sex all night. _


	7. Chapter 7

"Spencer you're really starting to scare me with this spacing out thing." Ashley said teasingly, breaking me out of my memory and I realized that we were parked outside our favorite old diner. I hadn't been there since the last time I'd gone with Ashley, which had been nearly seven years ago.

"I didn't even know that this place was still here!" I exclaimed, climbing out of the car with a huge smile on my face. Ashley and I used to eat at the diner every Saturday morning. It was our place. I didn't even think about it when she grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers; we had always held hands, it was no longer a big deal to me even after all the years apart. It was too easy to fall back into a routine with Ashley. We walked into the diner and she didn't pull away her hand until we sat down in a booth. We weren't even there for five seconds before people started to come up to the table; asking for pictures and autographs. She shot me an apologetic smile and I smiled back reassuringly. After a few minutes of signing anything and everything that was shoved at her she finally sent them away, promising to sign more when we was done eating.

"Sorry,"

"It's not a big deal, really. Remember how crazy it used to get in New York?" Near the end of my sophomore year in college, Ashley had started to hit it big. They had to get security to get everyone out of my apartment lobby where they would sit and wait for Ashley to come down. Sometimes people would even sit out in the hallway outside my apartment and we would have to sneak down the fire escape.

"Yeah, well people are just obsessed with my hot body." She said, in a fake cocky voice. I couldn't help but agree with her inside my head but I hid it well and I shook my head in disbelief. Our waitress finally came over and nervously took our order; she looked almost ready to pass out when Ashley gave her the famous Davies' smirk.

"You're just as cocky as you've always been." I said teasingly, throwing my straw paper at her. We both laughed when it fell only halfway to its mark but she beat me to it and rolled it up, tossing it at me.

"You love it," She taunted, as the ball completely missed me and fell onto the floor.

"Maybe a little bit," I replied airily, causing her give me the full Ashley Davies smile. After we ate and Ashley signed a few more autographs she paid, grabbed my hand, and pulled me back out to the car.

"Want to just go back to my apartment?" She asked as we got settled in the back seat. I bit my lip, not knowing what to say. On one hand I really, really wanted to, but on the other hand I didn't think that it was the best idea. After running every possible scenario through my head and getting thoroughly turned on, I finally just nodded, thinking that Ashley wouldn't want to do anything anyways. We sat in a comfortable silence as we rode towards her apartment, still holding hands in the backseat. I was looking out of the shaded window as we pulled up to the familiar building. Ashley had always kept her apartment, just in case, and I followed her up the familiar path, through the lobby, into the elevator, and finally to the penthouse door. She unlocked the door and I was surprised that she hadn't changed it much at all. I walked towards the living room and looked at the pictures that were sitting on the coffee table as I sat down on the couch, trying to get my thoughts out of the gutter. I smiled when I saw a couple of new pictures and I picked up one of Kyla relaxing on a beach with a lazy smile on her face.

"How is Kyla?" I asked, looking up to find Ashley leaning in the archway that connected the kitchen to the living room, her hands stuffed into her jeans pockets. She looked absolutely stunning. I focused back on her words when I realized that her mouth was moving.

"She's good; she's in Greece right now just relaxing I guess. She and Aiden are talking; again." I laughed but nodded as I relaxed further into the comfortable leather couch. The tabloids had been carefully following the on again off again romance of Aiden Dennison and Kyla Woods for the last six or seven years.

"I always liked them together, you know? It's good to see high school romances work out; they never seem to anymore." I said these words without thinking about my own failed romance. It wasn't until Ashley frowned but looked down at her feet that I realized what I had said.

"We could've worked," she whispered this but I tensed up and looked at her incredulously. She wouldn't meet my eyes and I could feel my heart beating about hundred times its normal rate as disbelief and anger flooded into my brain. Also, a bit a hope. A tiny morsel, really. Nothing to be concerned with.

"It's not my fault that we didn't." I finally answered, after struggling for words. I watched her shoulders slump as she finally met my eyes.

"I know, do you think that I don't know that? I regret that every day." The pain in her eyes made the little anger that had seeped in evaporate.

"Ash," I said, standing up and wanting to reach out and pull her into a tight hug. I couldn't do that though. That was putting me too close to her. In this emotionally charged moment, it could be disastrous for me to touch her because at that moment I was feeling the overwhelming urge to kiss her.

"I know, uhm, that I'm too late, Spence but I was hoping that-"

"Ashley, please don't do this." I said, cutting her off. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes as she took a step towards me. "It is very, very hard for me to say no to you right now but I can't do that to Hugh. He loves me and I love him and –"

"That is such bullshit!" She said, clearly frustrated. "You don't love him! You love me! I know you Spencer, I know you more than anyone else in the world and you don't love that jackass." I couldn't believe that she still could still read me, could still get to me so deeply. Then again, I could believe it completely. This was Ashley; the girl that I had loved more than my own family, more than my own life. I would have done anything for her. But a lot had changed. I loved her, and I always would. But I had a fiancé, and I wasn't going to be that person.

"Ashley you knew me five years ago, but not anymore. You can't not talk to someone for five years and then assume that you know them!"

"Oh come on Spencer, you can pretend all you want but we both know that you can't just stop loving me, I never stopped loving you. I'm still so in love with you-"

"Ashley just… stop!" I yelled, unable to hear anymore. She loved me. She loved me. She loved me. She loved me. She loved me. That's all I could think. She looked startled at my outburst but quickly recovered as I shook my head. "Listen, I can't do this. I'm engaged to a wonderful guy who loves me! I can't just drop everything and come running back to you after five _years_." She looked like I had just slapped her across the face and I pushed my hands through my hair before walking towards the door. If I stayed much longer I would break and give her everything that she wanted. I had just gotten my fingers on the door handle when Ashley's hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me back before slamming my back into the door and claiming my lips in a fierce kiss. I instantly moaned and buried my hands in her hair. She picked me up and my legs wrapped around her hips instantly as she turned around and carried me through the apartment and into her bedroom. Our kisses were fierce and needy as they got to know each other again. She tasted just like I remembered, strawberries and vanilla.

My back hit the bed but I was lost by then; all I wanted was for her to take me. I wasn't thinking about Hugh or the fact that I was engaged; all I could focus on was the fact that her lips were moving on mine and her hands were tugging my shirt over my head. And it was so, so good. Better than my best memories. We broke apart to breathe but her lips were then kissing a trail across my jaw and up to my ear.

"I love you," she whispered, and despite the fact that I was already turned on beyond belief, so incredibly ready for her, I tensed up and pushed her off of me before climbing off the bed. She looked confused and hurt as I pulled my shirt back on and sat down on the side of the bed, burying my head in my hands. I felt as if my heart was trying to tear its way out of my chest. What the fuck was wrong with me? I had her, right here. Everything that I had ever dreamed of. She wanted me. She loved me. But it was too late. I had already promised myself to someone else.

"Ashley," I finally said, brokenly. She sat up and crawled over to me. "I can't," She sighed and leaned forward to rest her forehead on my shoulder. "I'm sorry," She shook her head and kissed my shoulder through my shirt. I could feel the tears coming but I didn't bother trying to stop them.

"I shouldn't have kissed you, it's my fault." She whispered, "I've missed you so much, I can't live without you Spencer." She was saying all the right things and it was only making it harder.

"God, why now Ashley? Why couldn't you have just been there five years ago?"

"I was stupid, and scared. I thought that you would leave me and I didn't want to get hurt so I left you before you could leave me. It backfired though, I think that realizing that I hurt you hurt me more than you leaving me ever would've." She pushed the hair out of my face and wiped at my tears with the pads of her thumbs. "Now I'm too late but since I've probably lost you anyways, I want to let you know that what you're doing really sucks. You don't have to admit it to me but I know that you're still in love with me and that's not fair to Hugh. I don't deserve you anymore, and I can try to live with that, but you're my one and I'm yours, and you're keeping Hugh from finding his." I let a few tears slip down my cheeks as I realized that what she was saying was true. I had to be the most selfish person alive.

"I need to go," I finally said, standing up.

"I'll take you home."


	8. Chapter 8

After a twenty minute drive with nothing but complete silence, Ashley finally pulled her Porsche into park; she drove this time so we were completely alone in her tiny little sports car. We sat in the parking deck in complete silence for what seemed like hours. I didn't know what to say and she seemed to be having the same problem. I suddenly remembered the night she asked me to be her girlfriend.

_The air was silent and tense as we sat in my driveway, both of us just staring at my house. We had been sitting in her car for about a minute but it felt like so much longer. I was going insane trying to figure out what I had done wrong because she wasn't talking; her mouth was just set in a hard line as she glared at my house. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I opened my door to get out. I was on the verge of tears, it had only been a few hours ago that she had kissed me for the first time and then we ended up sleeping together. I thought that it was fantastic but I was starting to doubt myself because she hadn't said anything to me and now here we were just sitting in my driveway. _

_ "Don't go!" She cried out, surprising me and herself at her outburst. Her eyes were wide and fearful so I closed my door and looked at her in concern. _

_ "I'm sorry, for whatever I did or didn't do. I'll get better at it, I promise. I mean, it was my first time with a girl and I-" She cut off my rant by pulling me into a kiss. It was gentle and sweet and she brought her hand up to rest on my cheek as she pulled away to rest her forehead against mine. _

_ "You did great Spencer, please don't doubt yourself. You were… wow." _

_ "Then what's wrong? Is this the brush off?" I asked, crying even though I'd done my best to hold it in. I felt my face heat up. How crazy did I look to her right now? _

_ "What? No!" She said running her fingers gently down my cheek, brushing my tears away. "I was just… I've never done this before." _

_ "Done what?" I asked, biting my bottom lip. _

_ "Asked someone to be my girlfriend and it's a lot harder than I thought-" This time I cut her off by throwing my arms around her neck and kissing her roughly. _

_ "I would love to be your girlfriend." I said, making her eyes light up and her face stretch as she smiled._

_ "Really?" I just nodded and she kissed me again, a wide smile on her lips. _

"Spencer I just - I don't want you out of my life." Ashley said, pulling me out of my memories. "Can we try to be friends, please? I promise that I'll keep my hands to myself, I just really… I can't live without you anymore. I've tried and failed. Why do you think I came back to LA? We'll make sure to hang out with other people and-"

"Ashley, do you want to come up for a drink or something?" She looked at me as if I were crazy, "Well, I thought that friends hung out and got drinks? Erica is home and we can stay in the living room." Her smile was huge as she nodded and followed me up to the apartment.

Ashley stayed at the apartment for most of the day but went home before supper; saying that she had a few errands to run. Erica sat on the counter and watched me as I cooked our supper. I mostly ignored her, she would say something eventually. Instead I turned on my iPod dock and a huge smile came to my face as a familiar song filled the kitchen.

_The sky was gray and gloomy but Ashley and I were sitting on the beach, watching the waves crash against the shore before retreating back again. I was sitting between her legs and leaning back against her. It was too cold to swim or anything but Ashley and I always came out to the beach during the winter because it was always mostly empty. Her arms were wrapped around my waist and her chin was resting on my shoulder but neither of us was speaking. It was a comfortable silence, the kind that I loved. _

_ "What are you thinking?" She whispered, moving her hand under my hoodie to rest on the warm skin of my stomach. I shuddered at her cold touch, and she chuckled before starting to rub slow circles over my flat stomach. She had learned that this was a good way to relax me. _

_ "I was thinking about how much I love you," _

_ "Yeah?" She asked, and I could practically hear the smile in her voice. _

_ "Yeah," I confirmed, leaning my head back onto her shoulder. _

_ "I love you too," I smiled and settled more into her, letting my eyes close as she continued rubbing slow circles, nothing sexual just relaxing. _

_ "Will you sing to me?"I asked, after a few more minutes of silence. _

_ "What do you want to hear?" _

_ "Surprise me." I answered, making her chuckle again before kissing the shell of my ear. I was so in love with her in that moment. Everything was just perfect. My life was at peace when her arms were wrapped around me. _

_ "I hope you like dancing in the rain; I'll spin you around and pull you back to me. I sure am glad you wore that dress; it reminds me of the night that we first met." I smiled as she sang softly in my ear until the heavens opened up and soft rain poured down around us. We didn't run away as we usually did, instead we walked slowly back to her car, enjoying the rain on our skin and the feel of our warm fingers entwined together. _

I remember hoping that the moment would never end. I always loved those moments with Ashley, when it was just the two of us doing absolutely nothing but soaking up each other's presence. There weren't many of them, we seemed to always be fighting or surrounded by other people. But I knew that I'd never forget those few perfect moments. No one could ever take them from me and none would ever compare to them.

Hugh interrupted these thoughts by walking into the kitchen with a huge smile. I put on my best fake smile as he pulled me into a soft kiss. I hoped to God that he wouldn't cover the taste of Ashley that still lingered on my lips and I pulled away after just a second just in case. He didn't notice though, he just dug around in his pocket.

"I told my parents about our engagement today and my mother gave me something." He said, catching my attention. Erica rolled her eyes and left the room. When I told her that I was engaged she somehow realized that I was less than thrilled about it and hadn't left me alone about it since. He pulled a black velvet ring box out and opened it to reveal a huge emerald cut diamond on a gold band. I had to fight a frown as he explained that it had been his great grandmothers. It was gaudy and didn't suit me at all, I had always been a silver person and diamonds didn't do much for me. I always thought they looked better on older women, call me Holly Golightly but that was just my opinion. It was heavy on my finger and just a little bit too big but I put on a big fake smile and he was satisfied.

Ashley's words from earlier were still ringing in my head as I finished making the pasta and divvied it up onto three plates. I knew that she was right; Hugh deserved to find that woman who would be totally his and he hers but I couldn't bring myself to break up with him. He was so perfect, and he was one of my best friends. I know that I was being incredibly selfish but I didn't want to lose him. I would let him go before the wedding but right now I needed him.


	9. Chapter 9

"Want to tell me what's going on?" I jumped almost a foot in the air at Erica's question; I had almost forgotten that she was home. I was standing on our balcony, staring down at the always busy streets of LA. Hugh had just left; he had court in the morning and wanted to get a lot of rest. I must've left the door open because I didn't hear Erica come up behind me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, sliding my engagement ring off my finger discretely and slipping it into the pocket of my jeans.

"You know exactly what I mean." She said, stubbornly. "But let me jog your memory. A certain brunette superstar came into town recently and you haven't been able to stop smiling since, and for some reason I'm doubting that it's because you're engaged seeing as you aren't even wearing the ring."

"The ring doesn't fit," I said defensively, "and Ashley and I are just friends."

"Don't bullshit me, Spencer. I'm not stupid. I'm your best friend, and I haven't seen you this… happy. Ever. This has to be Ashley." She stood her ground and I bit my lip to keep from agreeing with her. It would be so nice to explain everything to her and have someone to help me clear my clouded head. I knew that she would be upset when I told her about the kiss though, and it would just make me feel even guiltier.

"Erica, just drop it." I finally said, turning and going back into the apartment. I didn't need her questions; they just made me feel worse.

"Spencer!" My father cried in surprise when I walked into the kitchen of my old house the next morning. He was sitting at the table, newspaper and coffee cup in hand.

"Hey, can I talk to you? Is Mom home? She needs to hear it too." I asked quickly; already ready to get the revelations over with. Ever since college I had learned that it was easier to just keep my parents posted. They were finally 100% supportive of my life and they always gave the best advice. Go figure. Parents really do know everything.

"She's working late but if it can't wait we can call her," He answered, standing up and walking around the table to hug me. I sank into his arms a little bit; it felt so nice to just get a hug. He rubbed my back, as if he could read my mind.

"No, it's okay, I'll just call her tomorrow." I replied, waving my hand dismissively. He nodded and I walked all the way into the kitchen, immediately hefting myself up onto the counter. He poured me a cup of coffee, pushing it towards me and raising his eye brows when I took it and nearly drained it in one gulp. I had been up all night thinking about what I had done. I had cheated on my fiancé; my wonderful, faithful fiancé.

"What's going on Spencer?" He asked, looking worried. I sighed and pushed a hand through my hair.

"Ashley's back in town," I finally answered. His face lit up in understanding but I held up my left hand before he had a chance to say anything. His eyes instantly focused on the huge diamond sitting on my finger. "And I'm getting married." His brows furrowed in confusion and I smiled, it wasn't often that I surprised my father. I sat, soaking in the short glory that I got from this.

"Wait; are you getting married to Hugh or Ashley?" He asked confusedly, making me scoff.

"Hugh," I answered, as if this should be obvious. He furrowed his brows again and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

"But you wish that it was Ashley," He said, looking as if he didn't understand. I groaned when he said this and put my hand over my eyes.

"Please don't psych me," He sighed and covered my free hand with his. Seeming to debate whether or not he should say what he was thinking.

"I'm not." I looked at him, because I could tell that he wasn't done. "I just want you to be happy Spencer, and even though he's a great guy I don't think that Hugh makes you happy." I know that my face registered shock. My father had always seemed like an avid supporter of Hugh and I. He chuckled when he saw the confusion on my face. "Listen, when you're with him you don't have that happiness that you had with Ashley. You were literally glowing everyday that you were with her, even if you two did fight more than other couple I've met." I chuckled at this, but twisted my fingers together nervously.

"I _do _love him, Daddy." I stressed, not meeting his eyes.

"I know you do sweetie, but Spence… I don't want you to settle. If you want to marry Hugh then I'll be behind you the whole way but I really don't think that it's the best path for you. You two might stay together your whole lives and have ten kids but you'll always be thinking about Ashley and wondering what would've happened if you would've gone with her instead. Just the fact that you mentioned that she was here before you mentioned your engagement speaks volumes to me."

"Why do you have to be so smart?" I asked in awe, making him chuckle. We sat in a comfortable silence for a while before I finally voiced what was really on my mind. "I don't want to hurt him." He sighed and scratched his head.

"That's inevitable, but it's better to tell him now instead of when it's too late, or even worse, on your wedding day; I hate to break it to you but weddings are expensive." I nodded and sighed, looking out of the window and into the back yard.

"Thanks Daddy," I finally said, taking a final sip of my coffee before standing up and hugging him. "I have to go, I have a shoot in an hour, but I'll call you later." He nodded and followed me to the door. I was more than surprised when Ashley was standing on the other side with her fist raised, as if to knock. "Ashley!" I said, surprised.

"Hey there Spence," She said, smiling sheepishly.

"How did you know that I was here?" I asked, making her chuckle but smirk at me.

"I'm actually here to see Mr. C." She answered, as I stepped back to let her in the house. My dad immediately pulled her into a strong embrace as I watched in confusion as he offered to get her a cup of coffee. "Will you call me later?" She asked when my dad went into the kitchen. I smiled and nodded as she shut the door on me, leaving me wondering what the hell was going on.


	10. Chapter 10

** At ten o'clock that night I knocked on Ashley's door and surprisingly it took her nearly ten minutes to open it. In the old days she would have just been getting ready to go out for the night. She had asked me earlier that day if I wanted to hang out but I had had to cancel so I decided to drop by and surprise her when my night freed up. Plus, I really wanted to tell her my news. And I might have wanted to see her. Just a tiny bit. **

** "Spencer?" She asked, groggily. She was wearing boxers and a black sports bra, her hair was tousled and she looked **_**extremely **_**appetizing, if a bit sleepy. **

** "What were you doing?" I asked, trying not to stare too hard at all her revealed skin. **

** "Sleeping," She answered, as if it should be obvious, yawning as she stretched her arms above her head. My eyes were instantly drawn to the skin of her taut stomach. "I thought that we weren't supposed to be alone." She said, as if finally realizing that we were by ourselves in her doorway. **

** "I trust you," I replied, walking past her and into the apartment. She raised an eyebrow but shut the door and followed me into the living room. **

** "So….what's up Spence?" She finally asked, following me with her eyes as I sat down on her couch. She seemed hesitant to follow me and instead sat down on the arm of the chair across the room.  
>"I'm breaking up with Hugh." I replied, resting back against the back of the couch and smiling at her.<strong>

** "Good!" She said, looking genuinely happy as she sat up, leaning towards me and resting her elbows on her knees. **

** "I've been thinking about what you said, about letting him find his 'one' and you're right, I'm being selfish." **

** "Do you want some wine or something? I think I have beer, I really need to go shopping." She seemed excited and I couldn't help but smile as she jumped up, about to head towards the kitchen. **

** "No, alcohol would be a really bad thing right now." I shook my head, making her chuckle.**

** "Can I just say one thing? Then I'll shut up." She asked, as she finally moved to sit beside me on the couch. **

** "Of course." I answered, smiling at her as we both relaxed further into the couch. **

** "You look really, really sexy in a power suit, like really, I'm regretting not doing the whole 'lawyer' role playing thing with you." I burst into laughter even as a tingle went down my spine. I was surprised that she even remembered that night, I had completely forgotten about it until that moment. **

_**"Spencer? Are you here?" Ashley called as she walked into her apartment. She had left me there for an hour so that she could go get something for us to eat and even though I assured her that I wouldn't leave she seemed to be insecure about it. **_

_** "I'm in your room!" I called out from my spot on her bed. I had been flipping through an old magazine that I found on the coffee table in the living room and she walked in carrying a takeout bag that she sat carefully in a chair before bounding over to the bed and curling up beside me. **_

_** "I'm glad you stayed." She said huskily before she kissed the skin behind my ear. "What are you looking at?" She asked, leaning over to look at the magazine over my shoulder. **_

_** "How do you think that I'd look in a power suit?" I asked with a grin. She growled low in her throat in approval, making me laugh. **_

_** "Why? Ooh, are we going to play principal and naughty school girl? Oh! How about lawyer and the client who doesn't have enough to pay for her services? Or how about-" **_

_** "Is just plain Spencer not good enough for you?" I asked, fake pouting. In reality I would probably do any crazy thing that she wanted me to do if it meant that I got to be the one touching her. She smirked and rolled me over so that she was leaning over me with her hands on either side of my head. **_

_** "Just plain Spencer doesn't exist. Totally hot, smokin' Spencer exists but I've never seen this "plain" Spencer that you're referring to." I laughed and looped my arms around her neck loosely. **_

_** "You are so cheesy," I teased, grinning up at her. **_

_** "Only for you," She countered, leaning down to kiss me. **_

_** "It better be only for me." I taunted, flipping us over to that I was on top, making her raise her eyebrows in surprise. **_

_** "Look at you Spencer; you'd be the best naughty lawyer ever," **_

** "Yes well unfortunately I'm not a lawyer but a lowly photo journalist who had a very important interview today. I never dress up for work, jeans and a t-shirt is my usual uniform." **

** "Well you look sexy in everything," She said, making me blush and look down at my lap. "Why Spencer, have you gotten shy again after I worked so hard to bring you out of that shell?" She teased, moving closer to me. I swallowed the lump in my throat as her thigh touched mine. She smelled so good, like vanilla and strawberries and something that was just uniquely Ashley. I knew that she wouldn't actually try anything but I was starting to have doubts about my own self restraint. **

** "Ashley, you're going to need to move." I whispered, as she grinned but held her hands up and moved away an inch. I knew that she was just teasing me but I couldn't help but fall for it anyways. She still had me wrapped around her pinky finger. **

** "I'm keeping my hands to myself," She whispered cockily, smirking at me as she leaned in again. "Spen, can I-" Ashley started to ask but I cut her off when I leaned forward to meet her and pressed my lips against hers, immediately burying my hands in her hair. She tensed up but almost instantly kissed me back. I was once again caught up in the essence of Ashley as I leaned forward more, pushing her backwards so that she was flat on her back on the couch and I was hovering over her. She was keeping her hands balled up by her head and I could tell that it was getting increasingly hard for her to not touch me so I pulled away, panting slightly. **

** "Ash, please touch me." That was the only thing that she seemed to need because a second later her hands were running through my hair and pulling me even closer. My hands left her curls and suddenly seemed to find the hem of her shirt as her hands came down to rest on my shoulders. A second later, just as I was moving down to attach my lips to her neck I was being pushed backwards and Ashley was on her feet, pacing and shaking her head. **

** "We can**_**not**_** do this." **

** "What?" I asked, pushing myself up as I watched her walk back and forth. I was so confused and then, suddenly, another memory washed over me. **

_**I moaned into Ashley's mouth as she walked me backwards. I felt my legs hit the bed and then I was falling backwards. I pushed myself towards the middle of the bed and she instantly crawled up to cover my body with hers. It was going a bit too fast, she had just kissed me for the first time less than five minutes ago and here we were, on her bed making out. I couldn't seem to make myself push her away though, she was an amazing kisser and her warm hands gave me goose bumps as they travelled down my side slowly. **_

_** Her hand slid down my stomach and she pushed her fingers under the hem of my shirt to trace my bare skin. I let out a soft moan and pushed my hands down to the middle of her back where I started to pull on her shirt. I was suddenly craving the feel of her skin sliding against mine, but instead I felt the cold wash over me when she suddenly pulled away from me and stood up, pacing at the end of the bed. Panic took over; I had obviously done something wrong and now she would never touch me again and I had ruined absolutely everything. I knew that this whole kissing Ashley thing was too good to be true. I mean, I had been pining over the girl for longer than I could remember. My luck didn't usually include hot girls suddenly taking an interest in me. Ashley obviously saw the hurt and doubt on my face because a second later she was beside me, pushing my hair back comfortingly as she stared into my eyes. I was captivated by the care I saw there, she'd never looked at me that way before. Hell, I'd never seen her look at anyone that way before. **_

_** "Spencer calm down, this was me. I don't want your first time to be some rushed thing," **_

_** "Then go slow," I answered impatiently, making her smile as she leaned down and kissed me, pulling away before she got sucked in again. **_

_** "No, I want you to be completely ready." She seemed to be trying to convince herself as well as me. **_

_** "Ash, I **_**am**_** completely ready. Do you have any idea how long I've wanted you?" I asked, not giving her the chance to answer before I was pulling her down into another kiss. She moaned against my lips and carefully lowered herself so that her body was covering mine completely. I fell back, pulling her down with me as she fitted her thigh between mine and driving me absolutely insane with just a small roll of her hips. I groaned in frustration when she pulled away again and she chuckled as she stared down at me. **_

_** "I just don't want you to ever regret this." She sounded earnest and I frowned as I reached up to brush her hair out of her face. **_

_** "I could never regret being with you Ashley, you're my best friend and I want this more than you can imagine." Her smile was huge as she kissed me again and this time she didn't pull away except to breathe and to remove the necessary items of clothing. When we were both naked she looked down at me with something unintelligible shining in her eyes. I started to cover myself but she quickly grabbed my wrists and pulled them away. **_

_** "You are magnificent," She whispered, kissing a line down the valley between my breasts.**_

__**"Spencer, I don't think that I can do this." Ashley said, as she finally stopped pacing, pulling me out of my memory. I looked at her in confusion as she sat down at the end of the couch, a safe distance away from me. **

** "What's wrong?" I asked, trying to calm my libido down by thinking about how upset she looked.**

** "I've seen this happen too many times before," She answered vaguely, shaking her head. **

** "What?" I asked, completely confused. "Ashley, talk to me, what are you talking about?" She frowned and I saw one tear run down her cheek, then suddenly I forgot about the fact that all I needed was her between my legs. I crawled towards her to pull her into a gentle hug, suddenly feeling like an insecure sixteen year old again. She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her head in my shoulder as she cried. I rubbed her back and slowly got her off the couch before linking our fingers and leading her towards the bedroom. **

** "Let me take care of you." I whispered, when she looked unsure of my intentions. "Purely G rated, I promise." She nodded and laid down on her bed, not objecting when I laid down beside her, pulling her into a light embrace. It didn't take her long to drift off to sleep and I couldn't help but smile when I heard her tiny snores. They reminded me of the all the times we had fallen asleep together in the past. Ashley refused to believe that she snored and often times came up with ridiculous explanations to explain what I was hearing. Her baby snores were just another thing that I had loved her for though. **

_**I laid on Ashley's bed, staring at her as she slept, wishing that I could reach out and run a hand over her flawless cheek. She had been my best friend for nearly five months now but I wanted more. Much, much more. She had fallen asleep in the middle of our movie night and I couldn't help but take the opportunity to observe her. She was so fucking gorgeous. I did my best to restrain myself from touching her but it was so hard when she was laying not even a foot away from me. She was adorable when she slept, curled up around her pillow and a look of complete relaxation on her face. A small drop of drool was threatening to make its way to her pillow and for some reason I found that this just added to her cuteness. I couldn't stand it anymore. I checked to make sure that she was asleep, waving my hand in front of her face rapidly before finally reaching out. I got about an inch away from her cheek when she let out a small noise. I jumped back in surprise, sure that I had been caught. She didn't move or acknowledge me though; she just made the noise again. I could barely contain my "aww" when I realized that she was snoring, very lightly and quietly, but it was definitely snoring. God, I loved this girl. **_


	11. Chapter 11

"Spencer?" Ashley asked, pulling me out of my very light sleep about three hours later.

"Hey," I whispered groggily, smiling at her. She was still curled up against me and I certainly wasn't going to be the first to pull away. She had kept moving closer and closer to me in her sleep, pushing our bodies together. Currently her head was resting on my chest and my arms were wrapped firmly around her lower back. It gave me hope that she subconsciously wanted to be near me. She stared at me for a second before giving me a small smile back. Suddenly though, doubt crept into her eyes she started to pull away. "Where are you going?" I questioned, reaching out to pull her back to me.

"I…uh, I need to go to the bathroom." It was a bad lie, even if I hadn't known her so well I would've known that she was lying. It hurt me, and I think that she saw that in my eyes because she faltered for a second and frowned.

"Ashley, come on, what's going on?" I asked, sitting up as she sighed. She sat back down on the bed, far away from my reach this time. I pulled my legs up against my chest and wrapped my arms around them before resting my chin on my knee. If she didn't want me touching her then I wouldn't; even if I did crave the touch of her smooth skin against mine. It was hurting more than I could stand. I had finally come here, finally opened up to her and she was shutting me down once again.

"I think that maybe you shouldn't be around me anymore, at least until you break up with Hugh." She said this slowly, as if she were trying to soften the blow. It didn't work. With that sentence I felt like my chest was blown apart and I was taken back again.

_I taped the final box shut before pushing it towards the door with my foot. I wasn't taking that much with me to New York but my room still felt empty. I still couldn't believe that I was leaving the next day and I was so beyond excited. The only thing that felt bad about the move was leaving Ashley. She had been in a slump for nearly two weeks and I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't want to leave her but this was my future and NYU was my dream school. Besides; we were in love and we would make it work. At least, that's what we kept telling each other over and over again. _

_ "Hey," Ashley said from where she was leaning on the doorway, startling me. I hadn't heard her walk up. I looked up and smiled at her as she walked in, shutting the door behind her. She looked confused and scared and I felt my eyebrows furrow as I immediately pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms tight around me and pulled me closer and it felt as if she were holding on for dear life. I didn't mind, it was just scaring me a bit. I could almost feel the bad news coming. That's why I had to force myself to ask. _

_ "Are you okay?" I whispered, surprised when I felt her start to shake. _

_ "Spencer I think that we should stop seeing each other." She broke away from me as she said this, still shaking. I stared at her in shock and felt as if she had thrown a bucket of ice water over my head. _

_ "Ashley, what are you talking about?" My mouth was dry, I couldn't even swallow. Surely I was imagining this conversation? _

_ "You're going to New York Spencer, and sure we can visit each other but it won't be the same. I don't want to have to wait to see my girlfriend maybe once a month; if I'm lucky. I can't deal with that." My mind was racing. My heart was pounding so loud I was sure that it would wake my parents. I had to do something to stop this. I had to be with her. _

_ "Come with me!" I cried out, surprising us both. "Come and live in New York with me, you can do your music and I'll have school and we can stay together." I was trying desperately to hang on to her. _

_ "Spencer, don't make this any harder than it has to be." I felt shock register at her cold tone. She stood up straighter and looked at me without emotion. "You're my best friend Spencer, but that's all I want from you anymore." I sat down heavily on my bed, staring at her. "I think that we both need to take the time to find ourselves." I could not believe that she was saying those words to me. I _had _found myself. I found myself so madly, ridiculously in love with her. I found who I truly was because of her. And now she was taking that away from me. _

_ "Fuck you Ashley." I finally whispered. I was so fucking angry at her and yet at the same time all I wanted to do was keep her with me. Pack her up in one of my boxes and put her in my car and pretend that she wasn't saying those words. I knew her too well though. She didn't even believe the things that were coming out of her mouth; she was just trying to protect herself because she knew that it would be hard. "You're nothing but a coward," this time I was the one shaking. With grief. With love. With terror. With absolute fucking rage. "Get out," even I was surprised by the venom laced in my voice._

_ "Spencer…" Ashley whispered, stepping forward. As if she had finally realized what her words were doing to me. They were tearing me apart. The thought of losing Ashley was literally throwing me into a frenzy. She reached out, to grab onto me but I stepped back quickly. _

_ "Don't touch me! Don't you dare fucking touch me Ashley Davies! Just get the fuck out of my room!" I screamed at her and it felt horrible and wonderful at the same time. It was like I had lost control of myself. I felt like crying and throwing something and kissing her and maybe all three at once. I didn't do any of those things; I just watched her slowly back out of my room and felt myself collapse onto my bed as I lost my heart. _

_ When I came home for Thanksgiving break she apologized and begged to be my friend again and I was so delirious with wanting to see her that I agreed. So, she started visiting and I would hang out with her when I came home, just glad that I got to be with her in some way. I always had the delusion that when I graduated we could go back to being together but it had never really happened that way. _

"Why not?" I finally asked, feeling as if she had broken my heart all over again. She looked up at me and I was shocked to see pain shining in her eyes.

"Because I love you too fucking much and every second that you're here with me it makes me so, so happy, Spencer. I keep having all these thoughts about how we're going to be together, and I keep remembering things Spence, things that haven't even crossed my mind in years but I can't get my hopes up like this! Because no matter what you say or we do, you're still with him. You're engaged for Christ sake!" She was sobbing by the end of this and I felt every impulse that I had calling out for me to go to her; to pull her into my arms and shield her from harm. But this time, I was the harm and I desperately needed to fix that.

"But I'm going to leave him!" I cried out, moving closer to her and reaching out to touch her shoulder. She flinched away from my touch and I felt tears come to my eyes as she stood up and began to pace again.

"Yeah, but see they all say that don't they?" I looked at her in confusion, trying to understand so that I could fix this. I was desperate to fix this. "I know too many people who have gotten their hearts broken like this. They fall in love with someone who's already in a relationship and that person assures them that they're going to get out of the other relationship but in the end they never do! They just keep using that person and then turn around and go back to their comfortable fucking life and I _refuse_ to be left out in the cold like that." I felt my stomach drop, finally understanding.

"I would never do that to you," I whispered, watching as she wiped away her angry tears. I didn't know what to do so I said the words that I thought would make it all better. "I love you."

"Stop it! Jesus Christ! Don't you see how hard this is for me Spencer? I just want to be with you, that is all that I fucking want, but I will _not_ be your whore!" The words stung like a slap to the cheek. I had never thought of her that way. I just loved her. But it was all dawning on me that I had fucked up. "I'll always love you Spencer, you know that. But until you break up with him we can't see each other; it's just too hard." I finally nodded and stood up, running my hands through my hair as I looked around for my shoes. I was suddenly desperate to get away. As far away as possible. Or maybe just to my bed. When I finally had my shoes back on I looked once more to where she was sitting on the bed, tears still coursing down her cheeks. But she didn't look back at me, and I took that as my sign to leave.


	12. Chapter 12

Almost two weeks passed and I still couldn't bring myself to break up with Hugh. Ashley wouldn't answer my calls or texts and when I went to her house she wouldn't answer the door so after a week of that I stopped trying. Erica tried to understand, I'd told her everything the night when I got home after leaving Ashley's apartment. I was in tears that night and much of the next day. I even picked up the phone to call Hugh three times but every single time I chickened out. He knew that something was wrong but he didn't push it, he never did. I almost wished that he would; maybe it would make it easier to break up with him.

"Listen Spencer, you have to do this soon." Erica said when I came home from work exactly two weeks after I had left Ashley's. She was sitting on the couch with a huge vase of white orchids sitting on the coffee table in front of her. "Hugh brought these over today and I swear to God Spencer he looked so broken. He even pumped me for information to see if he had done something wrong and you know that's weird for him. You need to talk to him; the longer you wait the harder it's going to be." I sat down on the couch heavily and buried my head in my hands. She sighed deeply and put a comforting hand on my back.

"I know! I just don't know how to do it! He's so excited about the wedding and his parents are too. His mother took me out for lunch today to talk about wedding plans!"

"Then stop procrastinating! You're getting into dangerous territory here Spence. He's ready to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you and you stringing him along like this is cruel." I knew that she was right but it was hard. "Listen, I'll go with you, let's just go to his house right now and I'll stay with you while you tell him! Then we can go over to Ashley's. I know that you miss her, and I'm sure that she misses you like crazy. If what she's saying is true then she's in love with you Spencer but the longer you wait the closer she's getting to moving on. She's not going to wait for you forever." That did it. I stood up and nodded, grabbing my keys off of the coffee table.

"You're right, but I need to do this by myself." She nodded in understanding as I walked back out of the apartment and down the stairs to my Volvo. It was only a five minute drive to Hugh's penthouse and I needed to get there before I lost my nerve. I parked in a guest spot before walking into the lobby and using my key to get upstairs. He had given it to me the week before because he thought that after the wedding we should just move into his place since it was more than enough space for two people to live and it was the perfect starting out place.

I walked into the living room of his penthouse and looked around for a hint of where he might be. I heard the metal of weights clinking from his weight room and I walked in to find him lying on his back lifting what appeared to be a lot of weight. He didn't see me so I cleared my throat and he lifted his head. When he saw that it was me he smiled and put the weights back on the rack before he stood up and walked over to kiss my cheek.

"Hey babe, what are you doing here? Did you get my flowers?"

"Can we talk?" I asked, ignoring his question and he nodded obliviously before leading the way into his living room.

"I'm sorry if my mom freaked you out today; she's just really excited about the wedding. It's all she's been talking about. I think that she's more excited than both of us put together," He laughed, sitting easily on the black leather couch. I sat beside him but a little ways away as he kept talking about his mother and how excited she was. I knew that if I didn't say something soon that I was going to lose my nerve so I swallowed the lump in my throat and I sat up straighter and said the first thing that came to mind. He was still talking about how excited he was but I cut him off with my words.

"I cheated on you," I watched as his face turned from excitement to confusion. He stared at me as if he didn't know what to do for a second and I instantly felt the tears well up in my eyes at my confession. Fuck. That was _not_ the right thing to say.

"What?" He finally asked, sounding as if he couldn't believe it. I bit my lip, trying to keep my tears from spilling over. Even though I was in love with Ashley it didn't stop me from feeling guilty about cheating on him. Hugh didn't deserve that, and I felt my stomach twist into knots at his shocked expression.

"I cheated on you, with Ashley." I elaborated and he sunk back into the couch, trying to process what I was saying. He didn't say anything for a few minutes; he just sat there looking lost. "Please say something." I finally said, my voice cracking with emotion. I was selfish. I was so, so selfish. I wanted him to be angry. I wanted him to yell at me so that I could feel better about it all. So that I could call him a jerk even though it was me who was yanking his heart around.

"What do you want me to say Spencer?" He asked, in a hurt tone. "When?"

"Twice, once the day after the concert and again two weeks ago." I watched as he processed this and he hunched forward to put his head in his hands. "I didn't sleep with her, we just came close." I didn't know why but I felt the need to tell him that. It didn't seem to make him feel any better. I felt the tears finally break and run down my cheeks and I bowed my head, wishing that there was some other way to do this. Hugh was such an amazing guy, it killed me that I couldn't be in love with him.

"You're in love with her." It wasn't a question, he just sounded miserable. "You're in love with her; you love her more than you could ever love me." I just sat there, crying as he said these words, and suddenly I knew that he had known all along. I wished that he would get mad or scream at me but he was just sitting there, looking straight ahead and not doing much of anything. "Is that it? Are you leaving me?" He finally turned to look at me, almost seeming to plead with his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Hugh," I whispered, making him whimper as I drew the ring off of my finger and placed it on the coffee table in front of him. "I really do love you; you're one of my best friends." His whole demeanor changed as he sagged, seeming to finally realize that I really was leaving him.

"But that's not enough, is it?" He asked in a raw voice, looking over at me again. He didn't even glare, he just looked broken. I shook my head as I stood up slowly.

"I don't expect you to forgive me; I wish that I could make myself fall in love with you. You're the perfect guy Hugh, you really are but I'm in love with Ashley. You're going to find a girl who will love you and only you and give you everything that you deserve. I hope that you find all kinds of happiness with her." He slumped even further as I said this and it was taking everything in me not to hug him. I had never seen him cry and it was killing me as a fresh wave of tears made their way down my cheeks. I felt like my heart was breaking but I knew that this was necessary. I knew that in the end this was what we both needed to happen. Else I would waste so many years of his life on a sham of a marriage.

"Spencer," He called, when I started to walk towards the door. He looked at me with red rimmed eyes and I was a bit surprised when he stood up and pulled me into a hug. "I just want you to know that I don't hate you, I don't think that I could ever hate you. I've been scared ever since I saw you look at her that you were going to leave me for her and maybe it helped me; because I think that I knew." I closed my eyes as I hugged him back. "Don't forget me, okay?" I sobbed into his shoulder as he hugged me tighter and I nodded as he kissed the top of my head. I really did love him. But my heart belonged completely to Ashley Davies and despite my best efforts no one could take her place, not even Hugh who had treated me like a princess and did his best to make all my dreams come true. I felt like such a bitch.


	13. Chapter 13

Instead of going straight to Ashley's I went home. I just wanted to be alone and sleep. I was still crying when I walked in and Erica jumped up, looking concerned.

"What happened? Did she do something to you? Do I need to go kick her ass?" I shook my head and waved off her questions before walking into my room and closing the door. My bed was the only company I wanted at that moment. I kicked off my shoes and just fell into bed with all my clothes on. I hated sleeping in jeans but I really didn't care at that moment, I just wanted sleep. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. Crying always exhausted me for some reason.

I woke up feeling peaceful and I rolled over, freezing when my hand hit something. It was warm, and moving. Someone was in my bed. I peeked out from between my lashes to find Ashley sitting beside me with her back against the headboard as she just stared down at me. I opened my eyes all the way and she grinned as I stared at her in confusion.

"Erica came pounding my door down demanding to know what I did to you; it took me about ten minutes to calm her down." I chuckled as she said this and began to play with my hair. "Then she told me that you broke up with Hugh so I came over." I wiped my eyes as I sat up, a few remnant tears still remaining.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," I whispered, making her shake her head as she moved so that she was lying down beside me. I instantly moved into her and she wrapped her arms around me as I rested my head on her chest. God, it felt amazing to be wrapped in her strong arms.

"It's okay babe," She finally assured me, rubbing small circles on my back. "I was kind of bitch to you about it. I should have realized what a big part of your life Hugh was. It took a lot of courage to finally talk to him." I smiled up at her, thankful for her words as she moved her hand up to play with my hair again. She knew that playing with my hair always calmed me down. But at her words it didn't take long for another wave of tears to come over me and she just rubbed my back soothingly until I calmed down again. It felt like I had lost my best friend. Hugh had been in my life for so long, he knew so much about me, and I really had cared so much about him. Now he was just… gone. Ashley pressed kisses to the top of my head, mumbling words of comfort until I finally released a sigh of comfort. Ashley was here now, and she filled every void that I had had in my life. She was the only person who could bring me peace like this.

"How long have you been here?" I questioned a few minutes later, nuzzling into her chest. It felt so amazing to be there in that moment, letting the woman that I love comfort me.

"About an hour," She answered quietly, stilling running soothing circles over my back.

"You should've woken me up,"

"Well I figured that you were like me and hadn't gotten much sleep these past two weeks so I decided not to wake you." I nodded, she was right. I had hardly slept at all; I was too busy thinking of Ashley and how royally I had messed up. "Go back to sleep Spence," She coaxed, as she saw my eyes start to droop again.

"No, I want to talk." I fought, forcing my eyes open.

"I promise to be here when you wake up; I may even fall asleep too." I finally nodded at the reassurance and let sleep take back over. It had always been very easy to sleep with Ashley, I think it was because I was so comfortable with her; I felt safe when she was around.

_I snuggled further into the warm body that was Ashley as we watched Lion King on the TV in the living room. She was lying behind me on the couch with her arms around me, her front to my back. My parents weren't home and surprisingly they had agreed to let Ashley come over. Ashley suddenly laughed and I looked up at her, bemused. _

_ "Oh God Spence, we've gotten boring," She said, through her laughter. "We have the house to ourselves and we're watching Disney movies!" I grinned as she said this and turned so that I was facing her and she leaned down to kiss me softly. _

_ "Well we can go to my room if you want to,"_

_ "You know what?" She asked, causing me to arch my brow to show that I was listening. "I'd rather just stay here and hold you" I smiled cheesily up at her, melting a bit at her words, "and if you tell anyone that I said that I will never touch you again," I laughed at her empty threat but nodded and she leaned down to kiss me again. _

_ "I love you, even if we are boring." I told her against her mouth, making her grin. _

_ "I love you too; we'll have hot wild sex tomorrow night," I giggled and turned around, snuggling back into her. _

_ "Okay," I agreed, lacing our fingers together over my stomach. _

I woke up slowly, smiling as I realized that it was indeed Ashley that I was curled up against. Her arms were loosely wrapped around me and she was completely out. Her mouth was open and she was snoring softly. It was probably the most adorable thing I had ever seen and I had to stop myself from waking her up by kissing her then. Instead I just looked at her, she was beautiful. I guess my staring woke her up because suddenly her eyes were open and she was looking at me with a smile.

"I was hoping that you weren't a dream," She whispered, causing me to blush but smile. "Are you okay?" She looked concerned and I couldn't help but giggle up at her. Despite losing Hugh I was feeling so relieved, everything finally seemed right.

"I'm more than okay." Her nose crinkling smile was back and she leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"I've been thinking;"

"Uh oh, did it hurt?" I asked, making her scowl as I tried to hide my laughter.

"Fuck you,"

"I was hoping that that's what you were thinking." I growled and her eyes started to turn darker as she pulled me into a kiss. She gently pulled at my bottom lip with her teeth and I moaned until she pulled away and began to kiss a line down my jaw. Her hands found the hem of my shirt as she caught my lips with hers again but I pulled away and sat up before moving so that I was straddling her hips; causing her to look up at me bemusedly. I pulled my shirt up and over my head before tossing it on the floor and suddenly she seemed to understand because her hands found the button of my pants and soon enough they joined my shirt on the floor.

Her eyes scanned my body hungrily as she sat up but kept me on top of her as she pulled me into another kiss. Her warm palms were resting flat on my stomach and they weren't moving and I thought that I was going to go insane with want. Instead I focused on getting her out of her clothes of which, in my opinion, she had far too many. Her shirt went first, and then her bra which I just barely noticed was black lace before it hit the floor. She quickly reciprocated and my bra joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor. I meant to start taking off her pants but I got distracted by her breasts which were perfect and absolutely begging to be touched.

She moaned deliciously when I tugged on her right nipple and I grinned before lowering my head to take it in my mouth. I brought my tongue up to flick over it before I bit it gently I got a loud grunt in response before and I moved my head to give the other equal treatment. I pushed her backwards so that she was on her back again before I kissed a trail up her perfectly toned stomach. I have to admit, I have a thing for stomachs. I always spent time worshipping Ashley's but she would have none of it this time, she grabbed me and pulled me further up her body so that she could kiss me again.

"Too many clothes," She whispered, as she moved her hands down to unbutton her jeans. I sat up quickly and swatted her hands away so that I could pull them off myself. Did I happen to mention that I love undressing Ashley? It's probably my favorite thing to do in the world. Well, maybe not my favorite, but it's in my top ten. When her jeans were off I reached up to work on getting her thong off, growling when I noticed that it was black lace like the bra. I was taken by surprise though when she grabbed my wrists and flipped us over expertly before bringing my wrists up above my head.

She transferred my wrists to one of her hands before ripping my underwear off; and I do mean literally ripping them off. I whimpered as she let go of my wrists in favor of spreading my thighs apart and dipping her head to taste me. My hips bucked up and my hands came down to tangle in her hair but she pulled away quickly, ignoring my cry of protest.

"Put your hands back above your head, if you move them I'll stop." I obeyed instantly, growing even wetter at her dominating tone of voice. I loved it when she got just a bit rough with me, it drove me insane. Don't get me wrong, I loved it when we made love but sometimes all I needed was a good fuck. That's what we were doing. We hadn't been like this in nearly nine years and we couldn't control ourselves enough to slow down. We would explore each other later; we would go slow and savor every moment but at that instant all we needed was instant gratification to what we had both been denied for so long.

"You are so wet," Ashley said huskily, drawing her forefinger through my folds, catching as much fluid as she could before popping the finger in her mouth. I moaned and bucked my hips at this display and she grinned lustily before repeating the action only this time she brought the finger to my lips. "Suck it," she commanded and I drew the finger into my mouth. I didn't mind the taste but I had never been a fan of tasting myself, but at point Ashley could've told me to set myself on fire and I would've done it. I saw her eyes glaze over so I sucked her finger harder, making sure to clean it thoroughly with my tongue. When I was finished she put the finger back in her own mouth to make sure I had gotten everything before she leaned down and made one long sure lick through my folds.

I bucked up hard, I'm surprised that I didn't break her nose but she just reached out to hold my hips down before she licked me again, avoiding my clit. I moaned and it took everything in me not to move my hands. She kept doing this, making long slow licks up through my folds, avoiding my clit every time.

"Stop fucking teasing me!" I cried desperately and that's what she must've been waiting for because a second later she sucked on my throbbing clit, hard. I saw stars as a deep primal moan left my lips. I could practically see her grinning as she repeated this action. I suddenly felt a finger at my entrance and I bucked into it, trying to get her to enter me but she just pulled away every time.

"What do you want Spencer?" She asked me, moving her thumb up to replace her mouth on my clit.

"You know what I want," I growled out, still trying desperately to hump her hand. She grinned and tapped on my clit.

"Say it," I was having a hard time concentrating because her thumb was teasing me mercilessly. "Say it!" She said, a little bit harsher as she pressed my clit hard.

"Fuck me!" I yelled, making her grin but instantly enter me with two fingers. I was already close, I was sure that she could feel my walls closing around her fingers but I was too far gone to care. She was pumping into me fast and hard and it didn't take her long to enter a third finger. I was meeting her thrust for thrust and I was getting closer to the edge with every second. She seemed to understand because she curled her fingers inside of me and sucked on my clit and I nearly screamed as I came and brought my hands down to tangle in her hair.

She didn't stop though; she just kept pumping in and out of me, drawing the orgasm out until I could barely move. I wasn't sure if I had several or just one really fantastic orgasm but I really didn't care; either way it was fucking amazing. Finally she slowly pulled her digits out of me and I let a moan out as she sucked on them languidly. I wanted so badly to return the favor but I was on the edge of passing out. She didn't seem to mind though because she removed my hands from her head and moved up so that she was covering my body with hers. I was fighting to stay awake as she kissed me slowly, running her hands through my hair.

"Go to sleep love,"

"But-"

"Later," she assured me, moving so that she was lying to my side. I curled into her and she wrapped her arms around me as I nuzzled her collar bone before finally retreating into sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**The next day was, thankfully, a Saturday and we spent the whole day in bed, venturing out only once to steal all the fruit and chocolate that we could find in the kitchen. Ashley even managed to dig up some whipped cream. Erica, after seeing what we were up to in the kitchen had the insight to leave, grumbling something about how she hadn't gotten any sleep the night before because of us. **

** After spending the whole weekend in my room Ashley decided that we needed to go out. She finally convinced me to go with her to eat out but we nearly got sucked back in when the double entendre of her words resulted in us getting into a heavy make out session in the kitchen, which was broken up when Erica came home and rolled her eyes before walking right back out again. I just stayed in the car when we went back to her apartment so that she could change because I knew that if I went up with her that we'd never leave. We were so fucking wrapped up in each other. I couldn't keep my hands off of her no matter how hard I tried. It had been nearly ten years since I'd been able to kiss on her like I wanted to. **

** The restaurant that Ashley picked was nice and I protested at first because I was wearing jeans and a tank top but she assured me that it didn't matter before leading me inside. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a red t-shirt with the name of some obscure indie band printed on it so I felt a bit better about what I was wearing. At least if we were going to be judged, we would be judged together. We had just gotten the car parked and were walking towards the door when the tall, graceful form of Hugh ambled out of the door, his mother on his arm. **

** To say that I was surprised to see Hugh there was an understatement. I reached out and put my hand on a distracted Ashley's elbow, stopping her. She looked over confusedly before she looked around, her eyebrows shooting up when she finally spotted what had me so freaked out. He was standing just outside the door talking to his mother and I really just wanted to turn and run in the opposite direction but, just as I went to do so he turned and saw me. Ashley tensed up beside me but kept walking, not even letting go of my hand and not allowing me to run away. **

** "You!" His mother said, finally seeing me as we approached. I could see that she was furious and I wasn't surprised. His mother had all but had the seating chart planned for the wedding so I had already expected that she was going to be upset. I had just been hoping to avoid her for a while. Or for the rest of my life. "You little whore! I can't believe that you would break up with my boy for this white trash-" **

** "That's enough!" Hugh said, stepping forward angrily. I was completely surprised at this; Hugh had always been a momma's boy. She basically ruled his life and I had never seen him stand up to her about anything. She apparently hadn't either because she was staring at Hugh as if she didn't know who he was. I think we all were. Ashley was glaring at her for her white trash comment and I knew that she had a million retorts on the tip of her tongue. "Just go wait in the car Mother." He commanded and she let out a huff before stomping away. "I'm sorry Spence, she took it hard." He looked horrible, his hair was messed up and it looked like he hadn't shaved in a few days. There were dark circles under his eyes and I felt a wave of guilt pass over me that he had been having a hard time while I had just been having sex with Ashley all weekend. **

** "No, it's fine, I deserved that and more." He shook his head at this and stepped forward a bit. I felt rather than saw Ashley stiffen at his advance and he must have noticed too because his advance faltered and he looked at her with a tentative smile. **

** "How are you Ashley?" He asked, taking Ashley completely by surprise. I could tell that she was preparing herself for more angry words. **

** "I'm…great. How are you?" She stumbled over her words, looking as if she regretted them the moment they slipped out of her mouth. **

** "As well as can be expected. Take care of her for me?" She nodded, still looking a bit shocked as Hugh nodded before pulling me into a hug. I let go of Ashley's hand to give him one more good hug.**

** "God, you're such a great guy." I whispered in his ear, making him smile and shrug sheepishly as he pulled away. He scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully as awkwardness finally filled the air. **

** "So I guess I'll see you around?" He questioned, smiling when I nodded. He ambled away and Ashley and I watched him go, holding hands once again.**

** After watching him climb into the driver's side of his Mercedes Ashley led me inside, squeezing my hand in a show of support. I had tried to explain to her how much Hugh had meant to me and I could tell that she was finally getting it. **

** Ashley leaned in and asked something of the hostess in a low voice, subtly slipping a bill over the hostess stand. It didn't take an idiot to know that that bill was probably more than she even getting paid that night. The girl's smile suddenly brightened and she nodded, leaning us over to a dark corner booth. Instead of sitting across from Ashley I slid in beside her and she grinned before slipping an arm around my waist. **

** "I'm just going to order us a bottle of wine, okay?" She asked as she looked over the menu. I nodded and picked up my own menu, reading over the outrageous prices with displeasure. She saw the look on my face and grinned sheepishly, letting her fingers toy over my side through my shirt. "Don't worry about it Spence, really. I didn't bring you here to impress you; I brought you here to feed you the best rigatoni in all of LA." **

** "Okay, but I don't like it." She laughed at my unimpressed expression but leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek. I was suddenly very thankful for the way that the restaurant was set up. It was dimly lit and all the booths were very private, you couldn't see into the booths on either side of us and the shadows gave us a lot of privacy. Suddenly I wondered if it was really the rigatoni that Ashley was after. **


	15. Chapter 15

"I think that I like this place," I whispered near her ear, moving my hand so that it rested on the inside of her thigh. She growled low her throat and opened her legs a bit. Oh yeah, she definitely planned this. I could tell by the pleased smirk on her face. I grinned a bit but pulled my hand away as I grabbed the menu once again. She looked a bit shocked when I pulled away and I had to hide my smile behind the menu. What's more fun that torturing Ashley? Except finally giving in and having sex with her that is.

The waitress walked over holding a bottle of wine and after Ashley approved it she filled up our glasses. She looked to be about twenty four and she was tiny, standing at maybe five feet flat. She was thin too but it worked for her, she looked graceful, like a dancer. Her hair was jet black and in a pixie cut and if she weren't looking at Ashley as if she was a piece of meat then I might even say that she was cute. Instead I felt like ripping her eyes out of her head and smacking the cocky grin off of her face.

"Hi, my name is Danielle and I'll be your server this evening." She never even looked at me. Her eyes were completely locked on an oblivious Ashley.

"Hi Danielle," Ashley said politely but obviously the girl took it as something else because her eyes lit up. If she knew that Ashley's hand was currently rubbing my thigh she probably wouldn't be smirking so cockily!

"Are you waiting on someone else?" She asked, looking at the empty seat across from us.

"No, it's just us." I answered, covering Ashley's hand with mine and entwining our fingers before bringing them into view. Danielle's smile dropped as she watched this and I saw Ashley grin beside me before picking up her menu to hide this fact. "I think that we're ready to order." I said, successfully drawing her gaze away from Ashley. This bitch needed to watch herself.

"We'll both have the baked rigatoni with sausage," Ashley said, sitting up and making the girl's gaze move back to her with a huge smile.

"Alright, anything else that I can get for _you_?" She queried, her gaze locked on Ashley. Her thinly veiled come on making me grip Ashley's hand a bit harder as I openly glared at the girl. Ashley chuckled at my reaction but sent the girl away with a shake of her head. I was still scowling as Ashley freed her hand from my death grip and slipped her arm back around me, pulling me closer.

"Calm down babe," She whispered, kissing the shell of my ear. I couldn't help but remember a time right after Ashley and I first became official. It was our first real date and Ashley took me downtown to some little hole in the wall Chinese place that was supposed to be amazing.

_"If she looks over here one more time I'm going to put these chopsticks through her fucking skull," Ashley seethed, glaring at our waitress. According to Ashley she had been flirting with me since we walked through the door and she had tried to take my jacket. I hadn't noticed as I was too wrapped up in the fact that I was on a date with Ashley Davies. I grinned and moved closer to her at our small table. I usually hated it when my dates got possessive and jealous but it just made her even hotter that she didn't like other girls looking at me. _

_ "She can look all she wants Ash; it's you I'm going home with." This made her grin but it dropped when our waitress came back over. She had checked on us at least five times in the last fifteen minutes and it was driving Ashley insane. _

_ "Listen, we've already told you that we're fine the past five times that you've walked over here. It seems to me that you have other customers who need your assistance, if we need you we'll fucking call you but until then you can just stay the fuck away," Ashley seethed before giving her a large sarcastic smile, taking the girl completely by surprise. I covered my smile with a napkin as I pretended to wipe the nonexistent food away from my mouth. I'll never forget how ready to kick to that girl's ass Ashley was. When we left I had had to practically drag her away from the restaurant when the girl not so subtly gave me her number. _

I now knew how she felt, all I wanted to do was show that girl who Ashley belonged to and that she could keep her fucking eyes to herself. I jumped when I felt Ashley's hand on my thigh, moving slowly up. I gave her a warning look before looking around the restaurant to see if anyone was paying attention to us. Once I was satisfied that no one was looking I pushed Ashley further into the large booth so that we were right up against the wall and she grinned before pulling me into a deep kiss. She tasted like the red wine that she had been sipping and it was bitter on my tongue. She pulled away to breathe as she moved her hand to the button of my pants. I looked around again, not seeing anyone but then again I was also focused on the fact that her hand was fighting to get into my tight jeans.

"Ash…" I hissed, when she finally reached her goal.

"Good God Spencer," She moaned into my neck when she realized that I wasn't wearing underwear. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Don't stop," I breathed out, incredibly turned on. We'd never done anything in such a public place before and I found it exhilarating and terrifying and amazingly hot all at the same time. I leaned back as much as I could to give her access and she kissed the nape of my neck in thanks before she pulled away and scanned the restaurant once again. There was no time for teasing and she knew this because she just soaked her finger by running it through my folds before starting to roughly circle my clit. I arched up and did the best I could to withhold my moan.

She was not taking her time; just pushing my clit around in small, fast circles like she knew drove me crazy. She bit my earlobe and I could hear her ragged breath loudly, it just turned me on more and I gripped her thigh, trying not to cry out as she switched tactics, moving my clit up and down. It was getting harder and harder for me not to cry out as she increased her pace and my hips bucked up to meet her every time.

"Ashley, I'm going to scream," I hissed, nearly delirious with pleasure. I was sure that anyone who looked over at us would know what we were doing but at that moment I really didn't care. I just needed her to push me over. She grinned knowingly and pinched my clit softly. I felt myself get pushed over the edge and my eyes roll back. She covered my mouth with hers as I came; smothering my moan as she gently pulled her fingers out of my jeans before buttoning my pants. I slumped into her, panting hard and trying not to look too obvious. She was looking around to see if anyone knew what we had been up to but the people were just obliviously eating and not paying us the least bit of attention.

When I finally recovered I sat up and kissed her again, softly this time, putting all the love and want that I could muster into it. She grinned as she pulled away and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear before resting her forehead against mine.

"That was amazing," I whispered against her lips.

"You're amazing." She retorted, making me roll my eyes playfully before kissing her again. "Do you think that you can walk?"

"Yeah," I answered, puzzled.

"Okay, then you might want to go the bathroom and splash some cold water on your face; you're looking a bit flushed." I blushed profusely when she said this, not because I was embarrassed but because when she told me to go to the bathroom images popped up in my mind that weren't exactly PG. She grinned as if she knew what I was thinking and kissed me once more before I slid out of the booth and walked slowly to the bathroom.

Despite my hopes she didn't follow me into the bathroom so I splashed my face with cold water before fixing my makeup and brushing my hair out with my fingers. I walked back to the table but picked up my pace a little when I saw our skank ass waitress leaning against the table, laughing as if she'd just heard the funniest joke in the world. I slid past her, bumping her out of the way slightly so that I could take my seat next to Ashley again. I completely ignored her as I grabbed Ashley and pulled her into a heat-filled kiss. I felt her small "umph" against my lips and could practically feel her eyebrows shoot up in shock. That didn't stop her from kissing me back though, gripping onto my thigh.

"Did you miss me?" I asked when I pulled away, pleased when I saw that her eyes were dark with arousal. She just nodded dazedly as I looked back at our waitress, Danielle, Satan, whatever you wanted to call her. She looked a bit angry and a lot shocked but I just arched an eyebrow, not caring if I sounded like a bitch. "We won't need anything else but the check." I said dismissively. She let out a huff before ripping the check out of her book, leaving it on the table and walking away.

"I love when you get all possessive like that." Ashley said in a husky voice when I finally gave her my attention again she kissed the nape of my neck and I grinned but blushed as I looked down at the huge bowl of rigatoni in front of me. For some reason I always got extremely hungry after sex, it was something that Ashley had always teased me about but she winked at me knowingly as I dug into the pasta. She was right; it was the best the rigatoni I'd ever had.


	16. Chapter 16

"Ashley, wake up," I whispered, kissing her ear as I leaned over the bed two days later. She groaned something unintelligible before burying herself further under my sheets. I pulled on a pair of jeans and watched as she reached out across the bed as if looking for me. She patted the cold, empty spot before untangling herself from the sheets and sitting up when she realized that I was no longer in bed with her. She looked around with a frown until her eyes landed on me where I was sitting in the chair in the corner, tying my tennis shoes. She smiled sleepily at me as she stretched her arms. That is, until she realized that I was getting dressed.

"What are you doing?" She asked, groggily with a renewed frown.

"I have to work; Vogue hired me for a shoot today. I tried to tell you last night but you decided to distract me." I informed her, making her smirk with pride.

"I thought that you were a photo journalist?" She asked, shaking away what I could only presume to be dirty thoughts.

"I am, but I don't turn my nose up at fashion photography, especially if it gets my name out there." She nodded tiredly at my explanation and fell back onto the pillows again.

"What time is it?"

"Seven,"

"As in AM?" She questioned, making me chuckle but make a noise in affirmation. "Fuck," She whispered, once again sitting up. "How long have you been awake?"

"About an hour," I replied, smiling at the sight of her trying to fix her bed head. "I had to get a shower - even though I really didn't want to wash the smell of you off of me." She grinned as I walked across the room to lean over her again. She looped her arms around my neck as I kissed her and pulled me down onto her to deepen and lengthen the kisses. "Ashley, I really have to go." I mumbled against her lips, even as my hands started to wander over her naked sides. She ignored me and slid her tongue along my bottom lip, making me moan and push into her with my hips. "Baby," I drug out, chuckling.

"Okay, okay" She whispered into the kiss before pulling away and getting out of bed. I felt my mouth run dry because she was conveniently naked and all sorts of delicious flesh became visible. I grabbed her wrist and crushed my lips to hers in another fiery kiss. She groaned in surprise and arousal as I leaned her into the side of the bed.

"You don't have to leave; I'll be home in a few hours." I whispered once I could finally tear my lips away from hers, resting my hands flat on her bare stomach.

"I need to go home for a least a little while," She answered with a small smile.

"Why?" I whined, frowning as I leaned into her, tucking my head into the hollow of her neck. She chuckled as I nuzzled in, kissing her skin softly.

"You can always come to my apartment when you're done," She reminded me as her hands ran up and down my back soothingly.

"Oh, I never thought of that." I said, pulling away with a silly smile. She laughed at my relief but pulled me back against her and kissed me once more. "Ashley, I really do have to go." I finally whispered out, after a few minutes of our loving kisses.

"Can't you skip work today?" She asked, an adorable pout covering her lips.

"This isn't high school; I can't just skip a day," I laughed, nuzzling into her neck again.

"Okay, okay but promise to stop by after work?"

"Pinky promise." I answered with a small smile as I laid kisses to her face.

` "Don't fuck any of the models; I'd have to kill you." She warned, bringing another laugh out of my lips.

"Don't worry, you've worn me out I don't think I'll be able to do any fucking for a while." I assured, hugging her tightly.

"Yeah, we'll see about that." She grumbled, causing me to laugh as I finally got out of the room.

Work was usually fun but that day it was absolute torture. I couldn't keep my mind off of Ashley. I had already called her twice and she'd sent me a couple of dirty text messages that had left me soaked and aching for her. Finally though, after hours upon hours of tedious picture taking, I snapped the last picture and declared the shoot done. I then sped all the way to Ashley's penthouse, praising Jesus when I didn't get pulled over. When I finally, finally got there I only had to knock once before Ashley was swinging the door open and pulling me inside.

"Oh my God, I've missed you!" Ashley exclaimed huskily as she pulled me into the kitchen. I could only grin in response as she lifted me up and set me on the kitchen counter as if I was as light as a feather. Her counters had always been weirdly short but I had always assumed it was just because both she and Kyla were barely five feet tall. Now, I was thinking that it was for a completely different reason. I moaned and wrapped my legs around her as she pulled me down into a heated kiss. I scooted forward, attempting to get some friction going, as our tongues melded and our breaths mixed.

"I could barely concentrate on my work because of you, all I wanted to do all day was leave so that I could come here and be with you." I confessed when we stopped kissing to take a breath. I rested my forehead against hers and she let her hands slip into my shirt to rest on my overheated skin.

"I told you to skip." She reminded me, chuckling as she rubbed my warm stomach soothingly.

"Well it's not my fault that I have a real job." I teased, letting my fingers tread through her hair.

"Ouch, you don't think that I have a real job?" She asked, pouting cutely.

"I never said that! I just wish that my hours were like yours." I amended, planting kisses all around her cheeks and making her giggle.

"Ooh yeah, and then we could just fuck all the time!" She said, getting excited quickly. I stuck my bottom lip out in a fake pout at these words.

"I'm just a fuck for you?" I asked in an exaggeratedly sad, pouty voice.

"Oh baby, you know you're not." She answered, putting on an overly concerned voice and leaning up to kiss me. I turned my head so that her lips collided with my cheek instead of my lips though, trying to hide my grin. "Spencer," she whined petulantly.

"I don't know if I believe you." I pouted, trying to withhold my smile. She seemed to catch on because her hand was moving ever so gently up my leg.

"How about I show you?" She said lustily as she laid a kiss on my smooth calf. I felt myself getting wetter at her tone and I shrugged even though all I really wanted her to do was fuck me.

"You're going to show me that I'm not a fuck buddy by fucking me?" I questioned, barely controlling my laugh. She chuckled but didn't get a chance to defend her logic because we both heard a key fit into the lock and the front door swing open.

"Ashley I'm home," was called out before I had a chance to ask who it was. Ashley groaned, and Kyla came waltzing into the kitchen, looking wonderfully tan and wearing a large smile. It only grew larger when she saw me. "Spencer fucking Carlin! Oh my God how are you woman? It's been years!" I grinned and jumped down from the counter to embrace the girl as she bounced in excitement – dropping several bags onto the kitchen floor. "We'll have to talk about your sudden reappearance later but right now I have great news! Absolutely wonderful news!" She gushed, pushing past me slightly to spin languidly around the kitchen – making me smirk in amusement.

"Well spit it out!" Ashley barked, aggravated that Kyla had interrupted potential sexy time. I reprimanded her playfully with my eyes, and she huffed but smiled back.

"Aiden and I are married! He came and got me in Greece and we stopped over in Vegas on the way back and got married there. It was all wildly romantic." She laid her hand over her chest dramatically – just like the Kyla that I remembered. Ashley rolled her eyes as she stood up but I could still see the smile tugging on the corners of her lips.

"That's great!" I squealed, making the younger Davies smile and gush. She held up her left hand and I felt my jaw drop as I took in the huge diamond ring that was sitting on her ring finger. It was even bigger than the rock Hugh had given me. I grabbed her hand to examine it more closely and was more than impressed by the 5 karat princess cut diamond ring. Ashley finally came over and embraced her sister and examined the ring more closely, whistling at its size.

"Where is the meathead?" She asked affectionately and, as if on cue, Aiden walked into the kitchen, several large bags thrown carelessly over his shoulder. He was even more bulked up than he had been in high school and his face instantly lit up when he saw me.

"Spencer!" He cried out, pulling me into a tight embrace as he dropped his pile of bags beside Kyla's. "It's been years! How are you? Where have you been? Holy shit I've missed you!"

"I'm great, how are you?" I answered, laughing and smiling as I pulled away from his huge frame.

"Fantastic! I'm married you know," He bragged, smirking and throwing an arm around his wife. Their size difference was almost comical. She just barely reached five feet and he was easily 6'4.

"So we've heard." Ashley answered him, wrapping her arms around me and resting her chin on my shoulder. Aiden raised an eyebrow but just grinned at this display as Kyla made up some silly excuse and pulled him towards her room. "Shit, now we can't have sex." Ashley whined once they had left, immediately pouting as we heard a door shut down the hall.

"Why?" I asked, mostly amused by her pout as I turned around in her arms and looped my arms around her shoulders.

"Because that's what they're doing and believe me, you don't want to be here for that." She shuddered, as if remembering some horrible memory. "Those noises have scarred me for life." I laughed at her dramatics as she shivered violently.

"We can go back to my place," I suggested, jumping up to sit on the counter again. She took her earlier position between my legs and rested her head on my chest, letting her arms come up to wrap around my waist.

"You know what's weird?" She asked, ignoring my suggestion.

"What's that babe?"

"I think that your heart beating is the most relaxing sound in the world." I melted into her embrace a little bit – a smile instantly lighting my face.

"Well, I'll make sure to keep it going then." I answered her, playing with one of her tendrils of hair while I pressed a kiss into the top of her head.

"That's a good idea." She said seriously, making me chuckle.

"Want to just sleep?" I suggested, yawning. I had been so worked up before but now it was turning into pure exhaustion. I hadn't gotten proper sleep in days. Every time we came close to drifting off one of us would just get horny again and we'd be back at it. "You've worn me out this weekend."

"That sounds good, let's go." She answered, wrapping her arms tighter around my waist and burrowing more into my shirt. Neither of us moved and after a few seconds we both laughed.

"I'm too tired; you'll have to carry me." I informed her in a sing song voice.

"I would but I was kind of hoping you'd carry me."

"I'll carry you if you carry me."

"That doesn't make sense," she pointed out, causing me to shrug.

"It doesn't have to." She laughed at my logic as I jumped down from the counter and grabbed her hand, pulling her into her bedroom. She had had tinted sliding doors installed over the years for which I was thankful because if Kyla and Aiden were as bad as she said I didn't want them waking me up. We crawled onto the bed, me on my back and her partially on top of me with our legs entwined and her head resting on my chest so that she could hear my heart thumping away in my chest, just for her.


	17. Chapter 17

"Ashley, what's that noise?" I grumbled a few hours later, after being woken up by a loud banging noise. I shook her shoulder a few times to wake her, making her curse and sit up to listen. I watched in confusion as her face paled as she jumped out of bed and began pulling on random articles of clothing. Ashley hated wearing clothes when she didn't need to and I was all too happy to help her out of them whenever she pleased. She was mumbling something about death and forks but I couldn't really understand her because she was pulling on clothes and it was kind of disappointing. "What's going on?" I finally asked, running a hand through my hair.

"They're fucking in my kitchen!" She stage whispered, nearly hysterical. It took me a few seconds to figure out that she meant Kyla and Aiden but then the tell-tale sounds reached my ears and I gagged a bit. I tried to withhold my laughter though, as she began to rant. "You can't fuck in a kitchen! It's unsanitary! They're going to make a mess! We _eat_ in there! I don't want to think about sexual fluids on my countertops! That is so fucking gross. They're probably all sweaty! Shit, I'm going to fucking kill them!"

"Ashley, we were going to fuck in the kitchen just a few hours ago." I reminded her, sitting up only to remember that I was naked too. Ashley had insisted once I started undressing her that I undress myself as well. If we weren't both so exhausted all that naked skin probably would have started another round of marathon sex.

"That's different! I'm going to rip their heads off!" She finally said, stalking from the room before I could stop her. I heard Kyla's scream and the gruffness of Aiden's voice trying to calm Ashley down as she yelled at them. I could occasionally hear one or two of their words, most of which were some form of 'fuck'. I could barely contain my laughter as I tried to listen from a distance. Once I deemed it safe enough though, I stood up and picked up my clothes off of the floor, starting to get dressed. I had just finished buttoning my jeans when Ashley came back in – looking none too pleased with my bra and jeans covered body.

"Where are you going?" She asked, coming to a stop in the doorway to stare at me. I chose not to ask about the spatula that she had clutched in her hand.

"Nowhere, I'm just not as comfortable being naked as you are." I answered, twisting my t-shirt around in my hands. She frowned and walked over to where I was standing before taking my shirt out of my hands and throwing it across the room. I watched as she popped the button on my jeans before pulling the zipper down. "Ash…" I started, not sure why she looked so concerned.

"Shh," She commanded, getting on her knees and kissing my stomach before she started to carefully pull my jeans down. I could definitely get used to the view of her on her knees in front of me. I was about to inform her of this but my words turned into a growl when she laid a kiss on the outside of my underwear, just above my center. "You are gorgeous. You are sexy. Your body is so fucking magnificent and you should be completely comfortable naked because clothes should be illegal on a body like yours." She purred as she stood back up and led me back to the bed. She laid me down before crawling up to lay beside me and turning me so that I was lying in her arms. We were both on our sides and facing each other as she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her so that we were as close as we possibly could be. "Please don't ever think that you are not beautiful." She whispered, as she leaned to claim my lips in a slow, passionate kiss that took my breath away. "Now, get some sleep because as soon as we are fully rested we have to go reclaim the kitchen." I laughed into the skin of her neck but I took her words seriously as I felt my exhaustion take back over.

"I love you," I informed her, kissing her neck lightly.

"I love you too." Were the last words I heard before drifting off into sleep once more.


End file.
